Reading back through your Medium posts. This one, written two months after my divorce was final, is as I know you can imagine, particularly meaningful to me. Today I go to my second physical therapy appointment after the car accident, after the concussion (the whiplash and the residual effects of the concussion are commingling), after my mother’s death, after the PTSD, after the move, after the loss of my primary relationship and the dark wood of letting go of who I thought I was with, meeting who I had been with, accepting why I chose that person, and with that knowledge choosing me and choosing better, and all the while letting go of the past that cannot be redone, is and has been difficult. Slogging along is what I am doing. Consciously bringing myself back to the present moment and trying to live in the moment with grace and gratitude is my daily goal. This weekend my house host and I met my Portland niece and her husband, in town for a wedding, for brunch. When I explained something about the whiplash and the concussion and how alarming it is to feel my brain operating as me and as not me, she leaned over and held me in her arms. The things I wanted in my life and the things that are possible? I’m uncertain if I can move the two together in the way I once was certain I could. Currently, I’m cautioning myself to stand back a bit from my concussed brain, which is thinking in less optimistic terms than I would wish, and than I would usually choose. I take your words here as a reminder to continue to move toward the physical and emotional places in which I wish to dwell. xo.
