Introduction to (Interpersonal) Networking for Programmers
I like to think of the entire process of networking as a scientific experiment. Basically, I come up with a hypothesis (“People will do X if I do Y”), test, and evaluate the results. Then I adjust my hypothesis.
This lowers the stress of standing in the corner of a crowded party where I don’t know anyone. If I try to talk to someone and it doesn’t work out, it’s just a data point, not a judgement.
So: there you are in your party corner. My advice is to start by setting a goal of three interactions. Then you have a nice endpoint where you can relax (and leave, if you enjoy parties as much as I do).
Chose a group of 3+ people who are already chatting. Stereotype like crazy at first: generally there are certain people that you feel more comfortable with, so just go with that. You can be open-minded on tries #2 and #3. Walk over and try to join the circle. If they’re not total assholes, someone will back up to make room for you.
People are probably in the middle of talking, so participate as you can. When there’s a lull, someone will probably ask you what you do. Experiment here and figure out what feels most comfortable to say and gets the reaction you want (e.g., “I’m a software engineer at a startup” gets a different reaction than “I’m a programmer” gets a different reaction than “I work at a fashion startup,” but they all might describe what you do).
Note that the goal of these conversations is not to sell someone something, convince them you’re awesome, nor (God forbid) get a date. Goals are:
- Get to know people.
- Have interesting conversations.
- Find one person (over the course of the event) you’d be interested in getting to know better.
Exiting a conversation
Talking to someone is the easy part. You can’t just disappear into the floor when the conversation starts to lag, unfortunately. Several techniques I use:
“Whoops, I need a new drink! It was great to meet you.”+slip off to bar. Caution: you can only do this once or twice if you have a low alcohol tolerance, so this is kind of my “last resort” exit.
“Do you have a business card? [Business cards are exchanged in a quaint ritual] Thanks, it was great to meet you!” The business card exchange wraps up the conversation somehow.
Advanced maneuver (I’m not very good at this and you have to know some other people in the room, but I’ve seen more social people do it and it’s very effective): “Oh, that’s so interesting! You should talk to Mark about that, he leads up teapot design and Teapots, Inc. [Grab Mark] Mark, I’d like to introduce you to Mike, he is working on an interesting coffeepot design problem.” Pivot away as they begin to talk.
Tip: if you have a group of people that you know, use them for “breaktime.” After you’ve talked to someone and are feeling worn down, go talk to your friends for a few minutes to re-up your strength. Just don’t get seduced into hanging out with them for the rest of the night.
Afterwards
Each time you’re at an event, afterwards reflect on the conversations you had. If there was anything that someone said that made you feel especially good, remember it for next time. For example, I was telling someone that I was a programmer and they turned and introduced me to someone as “the real deal,” which was great! Can’t wait to use that sort of thing on someone I like.
If you met anyone you felt like you had a good conversation/meaningful connection with, follow up with them within the next week. Connect with them in whatever way feels natural to you: follow them on Twitter, connect with them on LinkedIn, send them an email, whatever. Because you had some sort good rapport, hopefully you’ll have some topic to follow up on. For example:
How cool is that?
Finally, good luck!
