On Being Alone

Being alone is something people need to become comfortable with. And I don’t just mean “being single” and not having a significant other, but also just doing things alone. I have a lot of admiration for the person that eats out alone or works out alone, or goes to the coffee shop to read alone. Now working as a hostess at a restaurant, many people will come in and when I ask “How many?” their response is “Just one.”

Their answer will vary from person to person.
“Just me tonight.”
“Oh, just one.”
“Only me.”

There’s always the use of the words ‘just’ or ‘only’ because it’s expected to go out for dinner with at least one other person. And each person’s tones will vary. There’s the confident yes I am eating alone what’s it to ya and there’s the contrasting I know it’s weird but I just wanted some Indian food please don’t judge me. But I think it says a lot about you to be able to go out and eat alone.

People have now built a dependence on always being seen with other people. We can’t go to the bathroom without one other person accompanying us, we can’t arrive at a party without someone to go with and we won’t see a movie alone (even though there is no talking involved whatsoever).

Personally, I prefer being alone. When I go to the bathroom I can pee without anyone listening to me and waiting for me. When I go to a party alone I don’t have to be obligated to stay with whoever I came with and make sure they’re also having a good time. If I see a movie alone I can laugh at jokes without being judged and I don’t have to share my popcorn with anyone. Being alone equals freedom. You can look out for number one- yourself. And you don’t need to think about petty conversational stuff.

I don’t hate small talk, I think it’s necessary in times when you have to introduce yourself but in a situation where I have control over whether I need to use it, I won’t. Going to a movie with someone almost always means you occasionally need to lean over and makes comments about the movie, things such as “Oh that looks good,” or “Pass the popcorn.” What do I really get out of that? It’s not a conversation that helps you get to know the person better, it’s just something to say because otherwise it would be even weirder to just sit in silence. And most times when I have gone out to see a movie, we leave instantly after watching it. It’s like oh yes let us pay money to sit in silence and watch this movie and then let’s go home. I just think to myself constantly that I could’ve done that by myself without feeling the obligation to fill the silence.

And phones and technology is now a whole different topic. People are constantly on their phones even if they’re with someone. Trying to tell a story and to have the person not even make eye contact with you but occasionally mutter “oh uh huh” or “oh yeah” and are scrolling through their phones is not what a conversation should be like. Why do you need your phone out when you’re having a conversation right now? Why won’t just you leave your social-media checking at home, when you’re alone? And then have you noticed there’s always that one person that just scrolls through their phone, finds a funny picture and shows it to you and you laugh. But then they continuously show you every single picture they find funny and you’re obligated to chuckle but it’s not even funny? WHAT’S UP WITH THAT? People often go to other people’s houses and just sit on their phones. And this is a social concept I can’t fathom. Can you not even check your phone alone? You even need someone to be with you for that activity? Just two people scrolling, and their conversation goes a little something like:
“Oh she looks so pretty in her dress.”
“Who? Kelly? Oh I saw those pictures too.”

How is this in any way possible a valuable conversation? I could stay at home, doing the exact same thing but eating as much food as I want and wearing my PJ pants and not having to make weird remarks like the one above!

Being alone is a freeing action. There is no constant worry for what the other person wants to do, or how they feel. You are free to do whatever you want, whenever you want to and there’s something empowering and just plain awesome about that. Bringing a good book and spending time alone and not having to talk or worry is relaxing and wonderful. No more ordering the cheapest thing but ending up having to split the check evenly, no more compromising on what movie to watch even though you really wanted to watch that other one, no more worrying if everyone is having a good time because you are by yourself and you can leave halfway through the movie if you want and you can eat your dinner as quickly as you want to and leave just as soon.

Learn to spend time with just your own thoughts. You begin to learn a lot about yourself, and also the world around you. Take comfort in knowing that you can do whatever you want, regardless if you have someone to go with. Embrace the freedom and the liberating feeling that comes from being alone. Being alone does not mean friendless or loveless, it means you have made a decision and it’s a decision that you made yourself without being tied down by other people’s influences. And what an empowering decision that is.