But I have learned that while the words stay exactly the same, their intention has shape-shifted as we’ve entered into wars, as the country’s demographics have changed, as a stigma has become attached to the brown-skinned. Sometimes the question is posed with curiosity, sometimes with darker intent. Sometimes it’s hard to know.
And I absolutely do not mean “separate but equal” — she has her domain; I have mine. I also do not mean pseudo-balanced, like letting one partner pick the restaurant or vacation destination while bigger decisions, like whether to move to a different state or what you both do for a living, fall under the other partner’s domain.