Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide: Learn how to Drive a Motorcycle
From countless dystopian movies and stories, and the various iterations of a post apocalyptic world, there tends to be a certain group of survivor that strive, survive and thrive. This person is the motorcyclists. You’re probably thinking to yourself, “I wish Kris gives me three examples to support his theory.” Well prepare for your wish to be granted.
1. Daryl Dixon from the Walking Dead
His motorcycle has gotten him through zombie hordes as thick as molasses. While everyone gets into their Hyundai or the RV camper, Daryl chooses to drive along them in a motorcycle, and often times, he is more successful at living then his automobile counterparts. We can see on his bike that he has an attachment that can carry his crossbow. Daryl wins, my theory holds.
2. The Motorcycle Gang from the Original Dawn of the Dead
Look at that picture! There are so many of them. Also they look very healthy considering they live in a world of zombies, which is quite astounding. They must be doing something right if they have that many people and they are fully clothed in leather. Must be the motorcycles, thus theory holds.
EXTRA: Here is my favorite scene from this movie
3. Max Rockatansky from Mad Max: Fury Road
Max lives in a different post-apocalyptic world, instead of zombies they have a lack of water. (Maybe because they all chose to live in a desert). In this film about a giant U-turn Max is seen driving three vehicles, a car, a truck and a motorcycle. The bad guys catch up to him when he was in the car and the truck, but while on the motorcycle he proceeded unimpeded. My theory holds.
BONUS EXAMPLE: The Bad Guys from Waterworld
This film is basically Mad Max, but on an ocean. They are looking for dry land instead of water, paradoxes right? Well the big gang that survives have numerous members that drive jet skis, which are like motorcycles, but on the water. Theory holds water.
How can a Motorcycle Help Me?
Bikes provide numerous advantages over cars that can help your way to survival.
A. They are gas friendly
Ever wonder why bikes get to go on the carpool lane on a freeway? This is because they are fuel efficient. Bikes can typically get 50 mpg on average, while a Toyota Camry gets 24 mpg in the city! This is important since all gas station attendants are no longer working their typical shifts, due to everyone dying.
B. They can cut around traffic
Have you ever been stuck in traffic, hating your life? And while thinking back at all your mistakes, a motorcycle cruises by with no care in the world. Wouldn’t that be great in a zombie world. Look at the picture, a car couldn’t possibly cut through that! Only a nimble and maneuverable vehicle, such as the Motorcycle can possibly get through that!
You can literally have any conversation while sitting on the Motorcycle like Jax (who would dominate in Zombie World). People would wonder why you’re not standing up, but when you’re cool, you don’t have to worry about such petty things. Besides, being cool should be all three reasons why you should ride a bike over a car.
WHERE CAN I LEARN HOW TO RIDE A BIKE?
I assume any motorcycle school can teach you. You can search for some information on lessons here. You should not do what I did, it is highly not recommended. I bought a motorcycle and had the salesman teach me how to ride (This was when I lived in Taiwan). I did a very poor job of learning. The problem was that I had to go to work which was 15 minutes away. Always learn before driving.
- Warning* DO NOT SHOW OFF IF YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO RIDE AT AN INTERSECTION. Odds are that while everyone is looking at you and your bike, you WILL STALL! Not just a normal stall, but a very violent stall that alarms everyone in your radius that you are a poser. Learn from my mistakes.
Wait…What happens if i’m surrounded by Zombies or Enemies?
Good question. Hopefully the coolness generated from riding a motorcycle will project some form of coolness force field that keeps the haters at bay (see figure below).
Thus protecting you from any zombie penetration. If at the moment of being surrounded and imminent death is upon you, and you realize that a “Coolness” force field does not exist, know one key fact, It’s cooler to be eaten alive on a motorcycle than in a car.