Moving to San Francisco (Part 4): Married and Missing Home

It’s been a long, long time since I last blogged about what’s going on in my life, so I thought it would be nice to do some updates since there have been a ton of changes that happened.

So, I finally made it back to San Francisco after being ‘stuck’ in Singapore for around four months. I was actually home to wait for my American visa to be processed. Speaking of which, maybe I’ll do a timeline of how the visa application and process happened for me, to help those who are hoping to apply for the K1 Visa.

While I was in Singapore for those months, I was able to hang out with my best friends, whom I now miss so, so terribly. There are a couple of them whom I would spend my time with, but I miss Chew and Kaylie the most. We three have known each other since we were 13 yo teenagers doing silly things and fighting all the time. It’s funny how after more than a decade we are still best friends, and in fact, even closer than ever. We would hang out at least once a week, and sometimes, every other day. I don’t think there’s anyone in my life besides Kaylie who enjoys a good bowl of Chirashi and some fresh sashimi the same way as I do. Boy do I miss our most random food adventures! The three of us also did a lot of karaoke and mahjong together. Those times are certainly what I crave the most, beside the local food in Singapore. Well, there are karaoke bars here in San Francisco but people mostly sing English songs I think; I have yet been to one. There are karaoke places in places like Chinatown and Japantown in San Francisco city but I haven’t really found anybody to go explore those places with yet. Back in Singapore, we call people whom we do things ‘kakis,’ and now I’m really missing my karaoke kakis and mahjong kakis.

When I first went back to Singapore in February, I actually felt pretty trapped, as though I was taking a step back instead of moving forward in life. Everything felt so familiar it’s almost nostalgic. It was as though I went back in time in a dream. I remember telling myself that the step back is necessary for me to move two steps forward later on. It’s not to be regarded as a setback or a downgrade. And true enough, I gradually learned to enjoy my time in Singapore and made better use of it. I got to spend quality time with my family and friends, and I even got a freelance job after randomly applying for it because I wanted to be productive. So yes, my return to Singapore wasn’t thought to be anything to look forward to at first, but I tried to change my perspective and things got much better soon after. And now I miss those damn times so much, it hurts.

During the last days of my time in Singapore, before I flew out on a one-way ticket, I was really caught in between the feelings of wanting to stay for a little while longer, and wanting to GTFO ASAP. My inner world was split and I was kind of hovering right in the middle of it all. I realised that there’ll never be a ‘good time’ or the ‘best time’ to move away; no matter how much more time I spend with my family and friends, I would always need more. At the same time, I knew I wanted to go to be with Jason. To me, my future and past seemed to be diverging further and further away from each other like a pair of non-parallel lines that had met and then quietly said their goodbyes.

Since coming back to San Francisco, I have been getting these occasional dreams of me being back in Singapore and feeling completely trapped or stuck in the place. I suppose this shows that my inner love-hate relationship with Singapore still stands: I love the people, yes, but I still hate the place. Okay, ‘hate’ may be too strong a word, but you get my drift. As a gay man, I simply feel that being in Singapore has zero future for me, and that other ‘less conservative’ countries such as the U.S. have more to offer. Well this brings me to the next thing: Getting married.

So this August, about one month after I entered the states, Jason and I signed the papers, and now we are officially married. Well actually we first applied for the marriage license and then got married on another date which we specially picked. That’s how it works here in America — you need a license to get married.

We aren’t sure yet when the wedding’s gonna be, but it’s certain that we will be holding it in the states and be inviting our families and friends over. In fact, from what I heard, people are actually excited to fly to the states for the wedding. They say it’s a good reason for them to travel all the way over. I had thought that I would need to hold two separate weddings, one in America and one in Asia, but now it’s all good.

I’m grateful that the visa application process is finally over and it didn’t take too long. Some applications took like a year I heard. And after I got the visa I reentered the U.S. successfully with no issue. Before that, Jason and I were able to take a vacation in London too (where we saw Beyonce at the Formation World Tour).

Currently we are still waiting for some paperwork to be completed before I can have the freedom to travel out of the states. I really miss my friends and family so I plan to go back to Singapore as soon as I am able to. And trust me, I’ll definitely be making a big holiday out of it. Bali, Maldives, the Philippines… yes, yes, yes!

Well, till next time…