Timelines
At 21, soon to be 22
Everyday I look up at the sky so blue.
Won’t the universe give me a clue?
As to what I’m supposed to do?
I spent my childhood waiting,
Spent my teen years fighting,
wondering,
What’s the right thing?
At 7 or 8, I can’t remember
I was a happy trio’s member.
Maybe if I see them again,
it’d bring relief to this phantom pain.
They probably don’t remember me,
the little me from class 2 — C.
Stuck in a haze of forgotten glee,
Won’t you please set me free?
At 10.
I found a shady new den.
Intentionally I entered,
and never returned after I transferred.
I embraced the cold,
so that I might seem bold.
Forged a new personality,
knowing that it wasn’t me.
But now,
I can’t remember the person that was me.
6 years later,
wearing my heart on my sleeve,
I fell into a giant crater.
How could I have been so naive?
I’d rather not dwell,
in that forgotten beautiful cell.
Perhaps it had been hell
to which I’d been blind & couldn’t tell.
4 years forged my core.
Faster than you can say, “Whore”.
In the process, my insides they tore,
leaving me gasping for air on the floor.
The weight of my actions I bore
Just when I felt like I could take no more,
they spat me mercilessly out the door.
I stood up to clear skies.
Alas! My insides had turned to ice,
which the gentle spring breeze might thaw.
A glint of hope in the horizon, I saw.
At 21, soon to be 22
Still looking at the sky feeling blue
Won’t the universe give me a clue?
As to what I could possibly do?
All of the songs in my heart that I didn’t sing
Now I look back and it makes me think,
What was I supposed to do?
Should I have tried a little harder?
Pushed myself a little farther?
Just to prove my point to an indifferent father?
Or appease my hopeless soul? I’d rather.
In self pity I wallow,
finding it hard to swallow.
The reality of the path,
that I’m fated to follow.
