In my head

I have all these conversations

That could never happen

In real life

That’s when I see

My true desires

The barrage of emotions

Floating just beneath the surface

What am I scared of?

I ask myself.

Why don’t I let these out?

If I could die by drowning

In my own unexpressed emotions

I’d be dead a hundred times over.

I’ve started on a journey,

As scary as it may be..

To live my life to the fullest

To not take for granted

My own feelings and desires

However harsh the journey may be

I shall persevere.

Even if it’s just out of curiosity

To know who is it that I can be

If only I were the hero

Of my own story

Time flies by, seasons change,
People come and go
At each stage there’s always someone
That helps shape me for the better.
Some teach me a lesson,
Some support me momentarily,
Some try to make me a stepping stone,
Some try to utilize what I can give.
Some remain during the fun times,
Never to be seen during my downfall.
We’re all busy in our own entangled lives,
But there’s always been those that remained,
Beyond the shackles of proximity,
And the insufferable pride,
Beyond space and time, we persevere.
Not many, just the few who know
And check-in on me when I’m low,
Who hear my silent cries for help.

Some wounds are eternal,

I wear them on my skin,

Out in the open

Invisible to most,

Yet, hurting,

They don’t heal with time,

Only bleed more and more

Until there’s no more blood

Then the wound dries

And rots into nasty scars,

Manifesting into the demon

That haunts my dreams.

Every time someone asks me

how I am, I smile,

I say I’m great

Not because I want to lie

To their face

Nor because I want to

Hide my true self

But because by telling

Them that I’m good,

What I’m really doing

Is trying to convince myself

In the beautiful moonlit nights
the lone tear is my lover.
Such cheerful memories,
A comfortable life
It’s when I have
Everything and everyone
That my world seems empty

The void in my heart
Grows with each day
My world, intolerable to me
Filled with remorse and regret
As though all of my
repressed feelings have
Come to a consensus
To resent me, their oppressor.

I could hear them cry,
Deep within me,
“Let us out!” they said.
And I continued to ignore.
Their voices were deafening
But I shut them out
They gradually became
A mountain of pebbles

Now the roles have reversed
They’re shutting me down
I do the only thing I can -
Each day I pave my way,
Dig a little deeper,
One by one now,
I pick up a pebble
And write it away.

In a seemingly empty room,
Nowhere to run,
No bed to hide under,
All I can see is me,
broken, My pieces shattered
All over the place
Filling the place with
emotions that run wild,
I’m sad, angry, and desperate,
And hopeful, happy and glad
All at the same time.
A faint breeze reminds me
That I’m here, I exist!
I get up, wipe my tears & smile.
A soft voice tells me
To take a vow, Pick my pieces up
And sew them together
With love and care
The way I would,
A colourful piece
Of embroidery.

I came to you with all that is mine,
leaving nothing behind,
With a passion and craziness
That is fun and destructive,
Calm and addictive,
Instincts that I just can’t let go
Afraid to let go that I’ll lose who I am.
And you’ve always been there
When I got crazy, angry or sad,
At 3 a.m, a sleepy, grumpy voice
The one that remained
Always by my side
A rock, that does not falter
A foundation of diamond
You’ve always been
A mountain for my hurricane

Keerthi Rao

At the depths of chaos, paving my way, and writing about my journey.

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