21 Things That Crossed My Mind on Ash Wednesday

Disclaimer: Only one of these muses has anything to do with Ash Wednesday.

1. I named my morning alarm Wesley, so every time it goes off I bark, “Shut up Wesley!”
2. If I am what I eat, I guess I’m a Reese’s float; My diet pretty much consists of chocolate, peanut butter, and Diet Coke (wait, did that rhyme..).
3. Someday I’ll put away my laundry in a space where it can be viewed as proper, wearable clothing.
4. I hope my neighbors like listening to my Frankie Valli shower renditions at 9:30 a.m.
5. At least it’s clean!
6. This banana is bruised yet filling, a metaphor for somebody’s life (definitely not mine).
7. Swearing is a waste of words, but I don’t give a flying buttress.
8. If I was a scientist, I would want to be a researcher of the English language, so I could study and practice the manipulation of words. Like a writer. I hereby declare myself a scientist.
9. There’s no flattering way to eat an apple.
10. I should start a blog called, “Twenty-Something Creative Catholic Who Has No Idea What to do With Her Life.”
11. No, I’m not a plastic bag hoarder.
12. Will a spilled bottle of shower cleaner make my floor smell like lavender or Windex (or a lavender-scented infusion of both)?
13. Salad tastes 100% better without lettuce.
14. I need to email somebody I think I emailed yesterday about something going on tomorrow.
15. Time management is one of my proudest works in progress.
16. Hello, my name is Emilie, and I like Robert Frost, “Harry Potter,” and carbs.
17. Never attempt to flirt with anybody when you have ashes on your forehead.
18. “Yes I talk to myself,” I say as I spraypaint my 3D platypus.
19. I hope my neighbors like listening to my exhausted recital of American Idiot at 9:30 p.m.
20. I call this sweater/shawl thing my Jedi robe. Watch me Jedi.
21. The last thing I heard before I fell asleep was a girl passing my building and singing “Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough.” It left me quite inspired and ready to face Wesley in the morning.