A Thank You to my First Love

We haven’t been together for a few years now, but the memory of you is still fondly set in the back of my mind. I’ll never forget the boy who showed me a whole new world. The boy with the sweet smile, and those baby blue eyes you could find yourself swimming in. Hell, I drown in them.

In all my life I would’ve never thought anyone could have this much of an impact on me. I would’ve never thought after all these years you would still mean the world to me.

If someone came up to me and asked about you, I wouldn’t know what to say. I wouldn’t know where to begin. There’s a million and one things to say about the boy who stole my heart. I figure I would just smile, and reminisce in your fond memory all to myself.

I miss those days. The days I would spend with only you. Whether we were sitting around all day doing absolutely nothing, or actually getting off our asses for once to go catch a movie. I was always an active person who never liked being inside all day. Until I met you. I wouldn’t mind laying in bed watching Adult Swim with you for the rest of my life. I wouldn’t mind being wrapped up in your arms talking endlessly for hours upon hours about the most meaningless things. That’s where I felt the best. Where I felt most secure. Laying around the house was my favorite thing to do…but only if it was with you.

“I love you” seemed to fall out of my mouth more times than I could count. Like word vomit, I could never stop. I thought if I didn’t remind you every 5 minutes, you’d forget. As if you’d somehow forget how much you meant to me, and that you were the light in my life.

You were the only person that I felt 100% comfortable around. You were the only person that knew who I really was. I didn’t care about my makeup, or what I wore around you. I never even shaved my legs that often. But you didn’t mind. As long as you had gotten to see me at least once in your day you’d be happy, and you didn’t care about anything else.

You were my person. You showed me a whole new side of myself and showed me who I really was. You showed me what it’s like to love someone and really mean it. You showed me everything.

Thank you for showing me what love is.

Besides all the good things about you, I can’t sugar coat everything. Eventually I lost the boy with the sweet smile and kind hands. The boy who’s eyes I got lost in. I lost my world. I lost my mind. Saying goodbye to you was the hardest thing I ever had to say to someone my entire life. I didn’t want to let go, but our time had ran short. You’ll always be placed in my memory for good or bad, I really don’t mind. Thinking of you today hurts.

I wish you were still here.

I wish I would’ve realized we were sinking.

I wish I could start over.

And to the boy, who stole my heart and never gave it back