2020 Broke Me, and I’m Grateful
In 2020, there was a deadly virus spreading everywhere. People were losing their jobs. The presidential election was coming up. People of color were being murdered just because of their race. QAnon was tricking even some of the smartest people I knew into believing ridiculous lies.
Christians were hateful. Masks became political. We learned which people in our lives were racist, which was a shock for many. People began worshipping a president and were willing to do pretty much anything to keep him in office.
I thought this would be the time when people would rally together (from a distance) to help each other. I hoped that Christians, people like me, would do anything to keep others safe, especially something as simple as wearing a mask. I just knew they would see the idol worship happening and call it out because no president is God. I expected them to see the racism happening in America and fight against it with love and unity.
I was wrong.
Most of the Christians I knew refused to wear masks, even if it meant protecting people around them. Their defense was usually that it wouldn’t keep the person wearing it from getting sick, so there was no point. Aren’t Christians supposed to be selfless like Jesus? Some others said it didn’t help enough and was useless. Isn’t even a small chance still worth it?
I saw the worship of Donald Trump spread more and more. People I loved, respected, and looked up to put a man above God, claiming that he was God’s chosen leader for God’s chosen nation (where is that in the Bible?). A man who couldn’t quote a single Bible verse. A man who treats women horribly. A man who makes fun of people and lies all the time. A man who later incited an attack on the Capitol.
When people talked about a Black man being senselessly murdered by police, I heard things like, “Well, he should have cooperated,” and, “He was on drugs, so he got what he deserved.” And when people rallied together against that kind of injustice, they pretended to suddenly care about COVID only because it benefited them.
When people without jobs or even homes asked for help, they were told, “Sorry, if you don’t work, you don’t get help.” Christians said this to people who had lost their jobs and couldn’t find work because no one was hiring during the pandemic. These are the same Christians who are told in the Bible to care for the less fortunate.
I lost it. I lost my faith in people and, for a while, my faith in God.
I was raised to be like the people who I now saw were on the wrong side. How could I question them when they were all saying the same thing?
But how could this kind of behavior come from a loving God? How were they so easily missing the point?
I dug into my Bible like never before. I read the words of Jesus in a new light. I learned what true love is.
How had I been so brainwashed up to this point? How had I believed so many lies my whole life?
I called people out when they shared a lie on Facebook and provided them with evidence. I told Christians how wrong they were when they went against the teachings of Jesus. I was no longer afraid to go against my family’s beliefs.
I now have no relationship with certain friends and family members. With others, the relationship just isn’t the same. People have judged me, called me names, and made it known that they were disgusted with me. I was genuinely worried about the state of my marriage. I was alone, hurt, and depressed.
I’m just now finally starting to deal with everything I’ve felt for the past two years. I’m still hurt and I still haven’t recovered from my depression. I’m finally in therapy because I couldn’t handle it all anymore.
Most of my relationships haven’t improved any since then. It’s sometimes still difficult to be around most of my family. I feel like I can’t be myself around everyone. I no longer feel free to voice my opinions (although I sure have to listen to theirs) because I know it will start an argument. Just the fact that I’m no longer a Republican (not that I’m a Democrat either) seems to be too much for some people.
But it’s worth it.
I know Jesus.
I know the truth.
Jesus was love in human form. He was compassionate and kind. He broke barriers and did the unexpected. He loved sinners without judgment. He loved God and people more than the law. He didn’t care about fitting in, and He wasn’t afraid of standing alone.
Jesus is my example. I’ll take the consequences of that any day.
