Being Black with Anxiety
A personal perspective of navigating life with something ”taboo”
If you didn’t already know, there is no such thing as mental health problems in minority communities. In 2017 I decided to stop avoiding it and get checked. I took psychology in hs and read enough about symptoms to know that I have a bad case of social anxiety. Through undergrad I really started noticing how bad it was. I’d go to things I’m interested in and keep on headphones so nobody would talk to me and I’d stay pretty calm. I started sleeping even less than in hs. Lastly I could never focus like everyone else. I was always thinking about other things and taking notes suffered because of it (I’d end up learning something different in the back of class).
I went to the doctor and told him, “Hey so…I wanted to know if you could do whatever for social anxiety.” My doctor respects my request for small things given my medical history and the convo went like this:
Dr: What makes you think you have social anxiety?Me: I’m always in flight mode in social situations. Growing up I would carry a book to avoid talking to people and then it was headphones and a book. Now I can go to events and I stay for about 5 mins before I freak out inside and it’s time to go. I don’t carry a book as much but headphones are a big part of my life. I also always have racing thoughts and I’m not sleeping. At first I just thought it was stress but I can be having a good day like now and I just stare at the wall.Dr: Oh you have really looked into this. This sounds pretty extreme...Wait you did these things growing up to??Me: Yea, at one point I stopped talking to most people. Best time of my social life if we are being honest, but I can't live like that at work.
Does this sound similar to your life? Not going to say you have anxiety but you might. The “problem” with having one mental health thing as a POC is that people love using other unrelated shit to get at you. The most common misconception that I get is people (parents included) like to try to throw me in the depression category. Nothing wrong with that but that isn’t my ministry. I know my tattoo can also be misleading but it is also unrelated to actually having depression.
So what should I do?
Well I’m not a medical profession but I have found that figuring out what calms you down is very important. So what if your queer because that adds a layer of complexity? Having a good support system can help offset that. I know that being queer can cause one to develop anxiety especially if you aren’t out (I been there), but my “family” (read: group of friends) are really supportive. A good support group can help alleviate the worry of one less thing. Do you know how much easier it is to worry about “It’s too many people talking around me and talking” vs “All these people…do I stand out because of how I identify? Do they hate some part of me?”. Most importantly if you need professional help then go for it. I can’t speak on that personally but I’m totally for getting help when funds allow it. Talk Space seems like the coolest way to get help for introverts or people that aren’t ready for face to face discussions with a stranger. I won’t lie, this is a personal next step of mine.
What can I do as a friend, family member, support person, etc?
Off top I can say just listen and stop assuming. Don’t use anything else the person didn’t verbally say themselves. If there is an issue that they are trying to tell you about openly listen without judgement. Some people might really benefit by just talking it out to make them realize “ok I’m being extra”. If someone expresses an interest in a new hobby or something to keep their calm state then encourage it. If they want to go to therapy, don’t be awkward and rude just say ok and maybe even help them find a person. Stop making stupid jokes about things to try to understand where they are coming from. Stop assuming that dealing with these things don’t exist. Start talking to younger people to start the conversation before things get worse to the point of self destruction (yes it can happen). To be frank the same sh*t you want white people to do about things dealing with race is the same energy you need to have around mental health.
I’m not really bashing anyone for the topic of mental health not existing but it’s really hard to navigate spaces that won’t have the conversations and think that things are a joke most of the time. I’ve had to deal with worse anxiety now than ever before so I really just wanted to get some thoughts off my chest. If you have/think you have a mental illness or know someone with them then I highly suggest you talk to someone. The first person I told was a close friend because I was really scared to keep going down the path I was on. As someone who hates talking I can say it’s pretty taxing but when your are ready to make that leap everything will just tumble out and you will feel a little lighter and more confident in the next step.
