The 2016 Presidential Candidates as NFL Head Coaches
Do you love the NFL? Are you sad the Super Bowl is over? Do you love politics? Have you been enjoying the sideshow now known as the 2016 Presidential election? If you are like me, and you primary language is sports, you always want to compare other aspects of your daily life to it. Here are my best, most sarcastic comparisons of current presidential candidates to current NFL head coaches.
Jeb Bush is…
John Harbaugh. With wildly popular brothers, both Jeb and John come from families with strong political and football pedigrees, respectively. After early success (Super Bowl win, leading very early polls) their careers have been equally tumultuous.
Ben Carson is…
Jim Caldwell. Both had periods of great success; Caldwell during the Lions 11-win season, Carson during the months of October and November. Recently, however, people are questioning whether either of them have any idea what they are doing.
Chris Christie is…
Sean Payton. Once extremely popular, both are now on the verge of being fired due in part to big scandals ending with -gate (bridge-gate, bounty-gate).
Hillary Clinton is…
Jeff Fisher. Both have been around forever, both have had moments of great success and moments of great failure. They are models of stability but at the same time models of mediocrity. Fisher’s offensive schemes are as face-palm worthy as Hillary’s social media strategy.
Ted Cruz is…
Chuck Pagano. Both owe their success to someone other than themselves (the Tea Party, Andrew Luck). Ted didn’t have much of a chance until he surprised us in Iowa, Chuck didn’t have much of a chance until the Colts surprised us by extending him in the off season.
Carly Fiorina is…
Jason Garrett. Somehow both parlayed early success into (barely) staying power, while no one is quite sure either of them deserve to be where they are.
John Kasich is…
Marvin Lewis. About as average as they come, yet still hanging around waiting for their big break. Both about as exciting as a warm gruel, but you could do worse in your head coach/president.
Marco Rubio is…
Jay Gruden. The young gun that everyone seems to love, except, what has either of them actually done? Yes, turning Andy Dalton into a Pro Bowler and winning a Senate election in Florida are no small tasks, but I want to see something more before I hand either of them the key to Washington DC.
Bernie Sanders is…
Chip Kelley. Both burst onto the scene and have a near cult-like following. Lots of crazy new ideas that probably won’t work. You either love him or hate him. Neither have really accomplished much after stepping up to the big stage.
Donald Trump is…
Rex Ryan. Loud, bombastic, often times annoying, but somehow, some way it is working. Rex has had previous success as a defensive coordinator, but the jury on his head coaching is still out. Trump has had previous success in the business world, but the jury is still out on his success as a politician.
My hope is that now whenever you turn on CNN and see a candidate giving dodgy answers you think to yourself “we didn’t make plays, give the other team a lot of credit”.
