Today I’m Proud Of Myself
A Milestone Of Sobriety And Life
I do not take compliments well.
As a matter of fact I avoid them like someone is throwing manhole covers at me.
Don’t get me wrong, I love them…but there is something wired in my subconscious that just feels slightly uncomfortable about taking them…like I’m getting way too much credit for things I just do naturally.
Today I am going to go against the grain on my old pathways of thinking and do something out of character.
I’m going to compliment myself.
Today, I am proud of me.
5 years ago today I embarked on the scary and somewhat embarrassing admittance that I am an alcoholic and substance abuser.
Just typing it still brings up unwanted feelings of what I could have been had I realized it earlier.
But that’s OK…because that path has brought me here, 1826 days later, and I am proud of my journey.
I am proud of me for not giving up.
I am proud I’ve kept the demons that tell me to just go ahead and try again to drink at bay…that just one or two won’t hurt…and to shut the hell up; because I make my own decisions now for long term growth, not short term gratification.
I’m proud of the man I’ve become, to build on what I was while finding a new identity to help others…to finally become the man I was always afraid to show others.
I’m proud that I found the strength somewhere within me to recognize my addictive nature and stop it before it destroyed me.
I’m proud that I have the courage to be transparent in hopes that it helps someone else recognize they can conquer any demon they face…because if I can do it, YOU CAN.
I’m proud of myself for finding my voice.
Most of all, I’m proud that in my darkest moments, staring at a glass and a bottle, knowing how easy it would be to drown out the misery I was in if I just poured myself a glass and worried about the consequences later, like I did so many times before, that I threw the glass and bottle away and sat in my pain.
I’m proud that I didn’t run away and hide from my pain…because as much as it sucks, it has made me stronger.
Today I’m proud of myself.
And I’m thankful.
I’m thankful for all of the support I’ve received from family and friends on my decision.
I’m thankful that when I was feeling judged they came to my aid when I needed it most, and just allowed me to be me.
I’m thankful I was able to show everyone just how strong I can be…and how strong others can as well if they just believe in themselves, even for a brief moment in time.
Today I am proud of myself: and my hope and wish is for each and every one reading this today to find the strength to do something they don’t think they can.
That someone is you.
Be proud of yourself today.
Do the scary thing.
Do what someone else says you can’t do.
Do what you don’t think you can do. Make a short term decision that will lead to long term growth.
Because on the other side of your fear you will find freedom, and a strength you never thought you had.
Then look back after taking that leap you didn’t think you could, and be proud of yourself.
Like I am.
Today I am 5 years sober, and I am proud of me.
