Where I’m Coming From
Tim Cremin
72

Great piece, Tim. There is some vivid stuff in here, and I really like “popsicle mode” — gave me a little chuckle.

The poem takes kind of a turn in the next stanza though, and seems a lot more serious with the pillowed ghost. So it feels a bit like a leap there. I think maybe the poem could use more connective tissue to weave the elements together a bit more strongly, because its kind of like a mosaic right now. It definitely functions as is, and feels like a series of snapshots of the speakers’ life with “you.” But I wouldn’t mind some more, and to tighten up the connection between the different parts.

I really dig the ending! The speaker doesn’t have to tell “you” where he comes from, because they’ve already shared that experience.