Hey Laura! Glad to have you participating. I think this piece has the makings of a powerful story. I like some of the imagery and specificity of what you did here. I really like the clinking coins on the scarf, and the specific musicians you mention. That whole stanza really shines.

I think you could cut out a lot of connective tissue in this piece. I would especially pull back on the questions. They tell too much, in my opinion. I also think there are places where you can be more efficient, and cut some redundant words. I don’t typically do this, but here’s a quick edit. See what you think. Does this still get across what you want to get at? Or does it cut out meaning you want to keep?:

“I know favorite color,
what books she reads,
what she would choose on Netflix.”
She knew what he assumed.

But what did he know
of these hips, the motion
that once flowed so easily, listening
to Habibi-Ya-Einy and Enta Omri
and the jingle of small coins
clinking on a bright scarf?

She couldn’t punish him
for not knowing, not asking,
but she would wake up
in the middle of the night,
look over, whisper:

You don’t know me.

I would also look at your title. Hips isn’t bad but it’s a bit perfunctory. Maybe something that speaks to the past/present dichotomy, the sense of losing who you used to be and not being understood. Or a title that alludes to the theme of knowing/not knowing that is woven throughout the poem.

Hopefully some of this feedback is helpful! I’m really glad to have you here writing with us :) Let me know if you have questions.