Hey Vince! Thanks for sharing your poem. It was very evocative and moody, calls to mind a familiar sensation very acutely. I like the low-altitude cloud blanket and the sky grabbing the land. I was also intrigued by the word ‘souse,’ which I had never read before.

I see room for it grow a bit. Right now, it felt primarily descriptive to me. It wasn’t really emotionally evocative for me, and didn’t have that additional layer of meaning I was wanting. The closest I think it gets is ‘chill on touch, soaking through the skin.’ But even that is kind of detached, especially by referring to it as “the skin,” which feels more generalized rather than specific/personal the way “my skin” or “your skin” would be. Perhaps the piece is alluding to a dismal expectation for the future, with lines like “fog up the unclear of the horizon” and google tells me that souse can mean “a drunkard” so maybe that was part of the connotation you were trying to evoke as well.

Anyway, just my two cents! Thanks for taking on this challenge, I’m glad you’re here writing with us. :)