#firstworldproblems

Back off, entropy.

We don’t want you here.

Go breathe your hellfire into

Someone else’s chimenea.

Why not set your tarnished sites

On the hot mess in yoga pants,

Texting as she backs over the

Neighbor’s Pomeranian?

Or rather, focus on that

Vainglorious dildo

Re-tweeting Trump and tattooing

Swastikas on his knuckles.

Go after those cretins, why don’t you?

I think they’re asking for it.

Oh, mildew!

Oh, gremlin!

Oh, other-worldly compost monster!

Oh, entropy —

By any other name,

You’d stink as badly.

Keep your mitts off my ancient dryer and your

Carpenter ants from my porch supports.

Keep your unidentified smirch from the bottom

Of my crisper drawer.

Stay fast but do not tread upon

This garbage disposer,

These rain gutters,

This leaning privacy fence.

Beware my hammer and nail,

You pit of degradation.

Slink away from my vacuum cleaner,

My lavender scrubby sponge,

My paint roller.

I will press back, you

Fart-tastic demon of filth.

At the very least,

I will put up my feet and read a book.

Either way, you shall not pass.