Age Three

I am happy, I am loved. I have a soft heart and love to hug. Mommy and Daddy keep me safe. I love to play. I giggle. I smile.

Age Four

I can’t ignore the scalding heat from the hand caressing my bare cold bottom. My soul is screaming danger but answering its warning will get Grandpa in trouble. I should have gotten Mom and Dad to take care of me and my bedtime accident. I will not tell.

Age Seven

I see all of the other students in my class, playing, laughing, learning. I can’t concentrate like they do. Why won’t my mind be quiet and let me learn. No other kids have grandpas that do what mine does to me. I am alone. Laugh like they do, smile often, I will not tell.

Age Ten

I watch in horror as my health teacher explains where babies come from and realize what has been done to me. I fall asleep praying every night that I don’t have a baby. I laugh too hard and smile too big, they will never know. I will not tell.

Age Twelve

I lose myself in sports, it is a welcome distraction. I finally say no and it stops. Is that all I needed to do? Why didn’t I do that before now? I must be bad. Smoking helps me to push down the pain inside of me and allows me to keep my smile. I will not tell.

Age Sixteen

I am not like everyone else. Nobody will understand. Stephanie told on her dad and was sent to a foster home. Why can’t I learn? There is nothing sweet about sixteen. I am ugly and fat and stupid. Quick remember the smile and throw in a laugh. I will not tell.

Age Twenty

I just want someone to want to spend the rest of his life with me. I am not worthy. Smiling makes me pretty laughing makes me fun, maybe that will help. I will not tell.

Age Twenty Two

I’ve met someone who will have me. He is much older and not very nice. It is probably something that I have done. I will try harder to not upset him. I must keep smiling, I am too sad to laugh. I will not tell.

Age Twenty Four

I am married and pregnant. Grandpa will want to hold my child. He must not be allowed. I can no longer smile and I forget how to laugh. The cat is let out of the bag. Grandpa is not allowed at family functions. We all decide to stay quiet. We will not tell.

Age Twenty Five

Grandpas girlfriend is told why the family will not have him around. She tells me it is not my fault. I am relieved. She tells me it is easy to see why I was attracted to him, he is an attractive man after all. She has known for years. I am sickened by her inaction and flawed perception. No laughing, no smiling. She did not tell.

Age Twenty Nine

This isn’t right. I can not live in fear. My kids need a better life. I think just maybe that I am not the problem. I will leave. My family is torn apart, my kids live in two homes. No smiling, no laughing, only shame. We will not tell.

Age Thirty One

He calls me daily, he must really care. He has been so nice. I made a vow for better or worse. It must be my fault, maybe I’m to blame. One more chance. I try to laugh, I try to smile. We will not tell.

Age Thirty Four

His hand around my throat lifts me off of the floor and against a wall. I fight back. He throws me into a wall, I break the light switch that I am thrown against. I will wait to leave until tomorrow. Daylight comes, I am free. I never look back. I can laugh, I can smile. We will not tell.

Age Thirty Five

I am loved. I have found peace. Each day is filled with awe at the beauty that surrounds me. I discover that I am worthy. I am not stupid. I can do anything. Laughter comes easy and smiles shine brightly. We will not tell.

Age Forty

I worry about others. Who will be their voice? How can I help? It consumes my thoughts and pulls at my soul. I know I am not the only one but nobody talks. We are together in our silence. We will not tell.

Age Forty Four

I tell the world. I do not care. I have no shame. I have no fear. I have found the others, none of us were really alone. Life is good. We will be beacons of light to the voiceless. Together we laugh, together we smile. I have shredded the shame. Together we tell. The world will hear our stories.

Future

Everyone is talking. Nobody feels alone. Evil is no longer safe in the cold embrace of silence. Children play in peace. There are smiles on the faces of the children and the sound of their laughter fills the air. All is well.