Victim or Victor? The Choice is Yours

That’s right, you read that correctly, I said that you have the ability to choose between being a victim or being a victor.

There was a time in my life where I identified myself as a victim of childhood sexual abuse. I used that language because I didn’t know any better. I saw that what had happened to me when I was small, was nothing that I had control over and certainly didn’t ask to have happen to me. It was something that was done to me and thus, I was a victim.

While I agree with the term victim as a way to describe me when I was a child who was experiencing that trauma, the adult me has chosen a new title.

I choose the title Victor, partially because I have moved forward to a space of healing and advocating, but more so because of what that word has come to mean to me.

I attended the inaugural Victor Walk in Ottawa in 2013 with Theo Fleury as well as hundreds of other people who had, like myself, experienced the trauma of childhood sexual abuse. It was at that walk that I found a whole new meaning to the word Victor.

From that moment forward, Victor would also represent a community and the support that comes naturally when you find others who have experienced similar adversities. It represents an overwhelming feeling of belonging, of being at home, at peace, and unashamed. It represents a community where people are accepted as they are, regardless of where they are at in their own personal journey towards healing. A community where you need only meet people once to build a bond that will last a lifetime. Victors are my people, my tribe.

Not only do I choose to look at my childhood trauma from the perspective of a Victor, I choose to face everything in life much the same way. I have the choice to be in control of my own attitude or controlled by it. Does that mean that I am perfect and never have a negative minute, day, or sometimes even week? Hell no! I am human, shit happens in my world just like everyone else’s! But I do try to get myself out of the ‘muck’ as soon as I can.

What it means for me is that rather than accepting everything that life throws at me with a ‘poor me’ attitude, I look at adversity as an opportunity to overcome, to do better, to be better, and to help others.

Will I be affected by the trauma of my childhood experiences? Yes. Do I have to accept that as a life sentence to misery? No. Accepting a life of misery because of something that I went through as a child would only extend my abusers power over me, keeping me firmly attached to the puppet strings that had controlled me as a child.

To me, having the attitude of a Victor means that regardless of where a person is in their journey to heal, they have chosen to move forward, to take action even if it is only one small baby step at a time.

Being a Victor does not mean being perfect, nor does it mean that you will have all of your bits sorted out and neatly filed away. What it does mean is that eventually, one step at a time, you will find yourself closer to a place where your self-confidence will improve and you are able to love yourself for who you are, fully accepting all of the good, the bad and the ugly.