How to Win Friends & Influence People
Making an impact in the workplace and in your personal life
“Knowledge isn’t power until it is applied.”
— Dale Carnegie
Earlier this month, I picked up the popular book, How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Right off the bat, I was intrigued and pulled in by the sheer simplicity, yet wisdom-filled lessons that Mr. Carnegie taught about human relations. Coming from a sociology background in college (and having also briefly dabbled in psychology courses), I was fascinated by how something that should otherwise be common sense in our everyday social interactions was so ground-breaking; I had this feeling while reading it that I should instantly be engraining each of these concepts into my daily habits, choices and lifestyle.
While reading through and highlighting some of the key points that stood out to me, I couldn’t help but think about the book’s importance in dealing specifically with customers. I’ll be exploring four important lessons that I took away from this book that I will be implementing into my career as a customer service professional, as well as what companies could learn to integrate into their daily customer service operations.
- The Feeling of Importance
Dr. John Dewey, an American philosopher, wrote “…the deepest urge in human nature is ‘the desire to be important.’” I’ve written about this a few times in my previous posts, but whether we are the customer, the employee, a boss, a mother, child, student, teacher — we all want to be appreciated, respected and feel important; I’m willing to place a bet that no one on this planet craves mistreatment or disrespect. In this case, the customer is who we should try to focus our desire to make feel important. In my post about my local cafe, I mentioned how I feel important and welcome because the staff and owner recognize me, understand what I like to order, and know my background and my husband. Because of their great product and genuineness, I keep going back to their cafe, despite the hundreds of other ones I could go to and simply be a face in the crowd. Making your customers feel special, remembering their name (which Dale Carnegie also encourages), and investing even a few minutes in their lives and their time (perhaps asking how they started using your product, what they do for a living, where they live/do they enjoy it?) — trust me, it makes all the difference! - Sympathize with Their Viewpoint
I can tell you that some of the worst customer service experiences I’ve had were when I was disappointed about something related to a product/service, and the individual helping me couldn’t be any less interested in my circumstance. For example, I was once charged twice for my cellphone bill because I had forgotten I set up direct debit a few weeks prior. I called the cellular service company, and the representative sounded so bored and almost like she could not wait to get off the phone with me. It frustrated me even more than I initially was, and although it took persuasion on my part, I was finally able to get the situation resolved. I realized that if the representative had simply tried to sympathize with my situation, it probably would have gone a lot smoother. No matter how upset/irrational/frustrated the customer may be, always try to see it from their point of view — perhaps their car just broke down earlier that day, or they just found out about a scary diagnosis for a family member— how upset would you feel in these circumstances? Mr. Carnegie simply tells us to show compassion, friendliness and kindness and says “that is frequently all the irritated customer wants”. This will more than likely calm down the client to the point where not only will the situation be resolved, but you will likely keep that customer on board with the company, and they will definitely walk away feeling happier/less burdened than they did when you first encountered them. - Praise Instead of Criticizing
Dale Carnegie talks about how in human nature, it’s natural for us to first praise someone, follow it up with a “but” and then pour out all the criticism. However, this can still lead to resentment, as well as hurt feelings. Instead, he encourages us to replace “but” with “and”; for example: “You did an excellent job on your yearly review, and I think you could do even better on next year’s!” In terms of customer service, it’s quite tempting to point out when the customer is wrong— to show them that it’s actually not the company’s fault, but their own error and misunderstanding. However, having been on both sides of the situation, I know without a doubt that it is much easier and beneficial to praise the customer, rather than showering down criticism on them. For example, if you work for a bakery and a customer is irate that the wrong color was put on a cake (despite it being written down on the order form) and is refusing to pay, it would be much easier to let the client know that they’re wrong or tell them that it was in writing — but that will absolutely end badly, and may result in the customer never returning. Instead, you could say something to the effect of, “Mrs. Smith, I understand your concern, and I will say, first of all, that you did an excellent job of picking a great color scheme for Jacob’s birthday cake! I know he’s going to appreciate how much love you put into it. And, in retrospect, I should have given you a call before creating the cake to confirm the colors with you, rather than just going forth with decorating it. I know that often our minds can change or we may forget what our initial choices were, so trust me, I do understand, and would be happy to work with you to change the colors or see if we have something else in the back for you!” Praise + “and” + finding a solution = one less angry customer and, potentially, a happier one! - Listen to Your Customers
When your company is reaching its goals, exceeding projected profits or growing exponentially, it becomes easy to think that you now “know it all”. However, there is always room to grow and certainly even more room to learn — and what better group to learn from than your own customers? Many companies don’t listen to their customers enough, to the point where it becomes habitual for customers to click out of surveys or feedback forms, because they wonder if the company or business will even listen to them (I know I’ve felt this way before). Dale Carnegie discusses how people enjoy talking more about themselves than they do listening to us talk about ourselves. It’s easier to capture their attention and build relationships with them when we allow them to speak their mind, perhaps even let them rant, or just to simply boast about their successes and ideas. Ask your customers directly (Twitter, email, etc) for their suggestions, ideas and feedback — what should be changed? Added? Removed? What vision do they have for the company and its products/services? Not only will this make them feel more involved in the company and prevent them from going to a competitor, but it gives you a pair of fresh eyes to see or examine something you may have never thought of before. Although it may seem like common sense, simply listening to others (particularly your customers) can bring about wonders for the relationship!
So listen patiently and with an open mind. Be sincere about it. Encourage them to express their ideas fully. — Dale Carnegie
I can truly say that this book has impacted my life and the way I now examine my behaviors and relations with others. Each time I feel the desire to speak about myself, I pause to ask them about themselves; I decide to praise and keep praising; I choose to see the situation from their viewpoint and empathize with their feelings; I try to make them feel important and cared for. Dale Carnegie stresses in the book that these lessons are not a way to manipulate people into doing what you want— but rather, it’s a lifestyle change; a concerted effort to help others discover the best in themselves and to establish meaningful relationships. Not only has it translated into my personal life, but I’ve certainly begun thinking of ways it can and will pour over into and enrich my customer service career.
“The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage.” — Dale Carnegie
