How To Tell If Everyone Around You Hates You

Are you at a social situation you just can’t read? Worried that you’re not just failing to connect with people, you’re actively putting them off?

Folks, it’s not always easy to tell whether you’re the most hated attendee of a new friend’s house party, a distant cousin’s baby shower, or an office luncheon. Sometimes it’s downright difficult! So if you’re having trouble reading a room, here are 10 surefire signs you’ve made a bad impression — and that everyone around just plumb dislikes you!

1. Talking to one another, and not you.

Are people having a conversation that you’re not in? That could be a bad sign! Initiating a conversation with a non-you person, and not explicitly inviting you into the conversation, is the universal sign for “yuck! You’ve been rejected.” Beware of not being included in all conversations — it means you’ve been socially blacklisted. But you can feel great about the fact that whatever they’re saying is probably just encrypted insults about how bad you are, which would probably be upsetting for you to overhear anyway!

2. Laughing.

Is everyone else chucking, chortling, and having a good time? Uh-oh! Sounds an insult to me. There are two possible situations at hand, here, and neither of them are friendly. Either there’s an inside joke set up ahead of time, weeks ago, designed especially to make you feel left out, which they are now responding to to maximum effect. Or they’re just laughing at your expense. Frankly, it’s probably the second one, but neither option is friendly. Be on your toes!

3. Sitting down while you’re standing up.

Word to the wise: if you’re in a social situation, and you’re standing up while everyone is sitting down, then you’ve walked into a trap! The people you’re with measured the exact dimensions of the couch before sitting down, and spaced themselves out so there would be just enough space for you to NOT sit! You’re being tested. They’re trying to see if you’re going to ask one of them to “scooch over, please.” Don’t ask! It will give them more fodder for their post-being-around-you rehash sessions, where they all get together to discuss all the stupid things you said and did while you were around them. Stay strong!

4. Knowing one another well and being comfortable in one another’s company.

Does it seem like everyone around you knows one another super well? Like they’ve been through something together? Sadly, their entire bonding experience is comprised of jokes at your expense. Which of course you can never really be included in! Oh well! At least the resulting friendship is beautiful!

5. Whispering, ever.

On the phone or in a library, behind a hand or at a funeral. Pssst: Don’t mistake a whisper for an attempt to be quiet! They’re just trying to drive you NUTS with curiosity about what they might be saying about you. It’s a clever little tactic that you aught not to fall victim to. It’s another one of their little bits! And the whole world is in on the joke. Even strangers! Be suspicious of ANYONE who whispers!

6. Eating a crunchy snack.

Is someone around you eating chips or pretzels and my munching loudly? Let me let you in on the secret: they’re crunching loud so they won’t have to hear you talk or breathe and if they’re very lucky, won’t even need to know you’re there. They want to drown out the entire sensory experience of you without telling you explicitly to get out. Sorry! At least they’re sort of being polite!

7. Sneezing.

Science time! A human body’s sneeze is a body’s way of getting rid of any particulates of you that may have entered them through the nose. It’s a body’s natural response, a biological hack passed down through the ages, to this very moment in time when it became relevant, when you were upon the earth. Yuck!

8. Saying your name.

If someone says your name, it is an accusation. If it doesn’t sound like an accusation, wise up! It’s either that, or a mockery. If it sounds at all tinged with kindness, they’re definitely talking to someone else who shares your name, even if there is no one else in the room, there is no WAY they are talking to you.

9. Making eye contact.

It’s a power play! They’re looking at you to try to freak you out! Do NOT give in, no matter how tempted you may be! Look! AWAY!

10. Being kind, being inclusive and showing interest.

I’ve seen people fall for this one before — and it’s a sad turn every time. If someone is friendly to you, they’re just looking for fodder for their mean conversations at your expense. Do not accept or engage! Be careful and guarded at all times. Never return their kindness, and NEVER accept an invitation. The only way to avoid rejection and ridicule is to isolate yourself, preferably in a room with no doors, one with thick, thick walls. It’s the only way to truly be free from mockery. The only way.