QUIZ: Are you more “Sonic the Hedgehog,” or more “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog?”

You remember them for sure, don’t you? Two shows, one blue hedgehog voiced by Jaleel White in the 90s. If you’re anything like me, you have fond memories of both. Also if you’re anything like me, you’ve wondered which show — “Sonic the Hedgehod” or “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” — is most similar to your current life.

Take this quiz to find out!

  1. Which of these phrases best describes your life right now?

A. lively, colorful and full of adventure

B. dark and conflict-ridden

2. How many friends do you usually hang out with?

A. I have one best bud who I hang out with most of the time.

B. I have a big group of friends, and we all collaborate and work together on stuff.

3. Conceptualize your worst enemy. Which of these is he or she more like?

A. An mean-spirited idiot.

B. A calculating sociopath.

4. Do you take life seriously?

A. Hell nah!

B. Yes, I do. The stakes are too high not to.

5. You want to get minor revenge on someone. What’s your methodology?

A. Sneaky and prankster-y.

B. Brash and straightforward.

6. Romance in your life?

A. Nope.

B. Yes!

8. What’s your ~aesthetic~?

A. Bold, zany and mismatched, with lots of bright tones.

B. Muted tones, mostly. My look is very understated.

Scroll down the answers!

Scroll down further…

Keep scrolling…

Keeeeeep scrolling…

Here we go!

Mostly As. Seriously?

Seriously, man?

Don’t play me like that. You know. You know. If you’re taking this quiz, this Sonic the Hedgehog quiz, and you read the questions, you fucking know what answer you were going to get before you scrolled down. How do I know you know the answer already? The title most likely self-selected against people who haven’t seen either show. You came into this quiz having seen both, and the answers are extremely unsubtle, and they make it obvious which one is which. Mostly As is obviously one show and Mostly Bs is obviously another.

No, I’m not going to tell you which is which. You’re not fooling anyone, bud.

Rusty on your Sonicology? Go look at each theme song. Go on, I can wait. Here, here they are: (Here is the theme for AoStH) (Here is the theme for SatAM) Have a listen. (Sonic the Hedgehog is called SatAM because it aired on Saturday morning, and this differentiates it from the similarly-named, contemporaneous program also produced by DiC, also starring Jaleel White.) (But you knew that already, didn’t you?)

Thank you for watching both theme songs. You now know the answer. You know which one is Mostly As, and by extension, which one is…

Mostly Bs: Except that what did you even need me for? And why are you taking this quiz?

You’re, what, 24? 26? 35? Dudes, what are you doing? Don’t you have work to do?

Medium doesn’t even have good quiz-taking capabilities! It’s not Buzzfeed. Christ. You didn’t seriously think this would be any good, did you? And, as stated above, you figured out from the pattern of the first two questions that Mostly As was going to be one show and Mostly Bs was going to be another show. You figured out which was which from the questions because, as we discussed, it was extremely obvious to anyone who’s seen any of the shows before.

So why even proceed to the bottom? I’ll tell you why: validation. You wanted to see the image of yourself you had in your mind reflected back at you by an online quiz. And, hey , that’s alright— I do it, too! We all do it! — but!

Listen! Buddy! Did you disrupt your day for this dumb Sonic the Hedgehog quiz? What could you be doing right now? What could you be reading? How else could you be entertaining yourself? Improving yourself?

Leave!

Go outside! Turn off your phone and go outside. Shut your laptop and go outside. Buy a sandwich. Run a marathon. Hug your child, write a poem, cure cancer. Shit, go watch Sonic the Hedgehog! Anything but this quiz.

Go.

Go!

Go now!

You are free!

And before any of you pedants in the comments section bring it up: no, you cannot be Sonic Underground. Absofuckinglutely not. That was not an omission. That was drawing a goddamn LINE.

Why would you even WANT to be Sonic Underground?

It was shit, just utter shit. I don’t think anyone watched it. Except, like, French people? Fine if you’re French or Canadian or something, but Americans, I am looking at you guys, if you are readying your arguing fingers to be like “but I looooove Sonic Underground” then please at least do us all the kindness of watching its theme song again and internalizing what you intend do defend. At least do that for us!

It makes me so mad. Like, that it exists at all makes me so mad. It’s everything we hated the 90s for but it’s partially from the 2000s! It had nothing to do with any Sonicanon that came before, and nothing to do with any Sonicanon that came after. He was a prince? He has siblings? They were in a BAND? Absolutely not. Take it away. Do not talk to me about it any more.

I would be happy, however, to discuss the Sonic the Hedgehog OVA at any length!