Reasons Jughead Jones From Riverdale Is A Lesbian
It’s very obvious
I am a strong believer in the Ortberg Theory Of Look, Sometimes Allegedly Straight Guys On Teen TV Are Actually Lesbians, formulated in this seminal work, “Reasons Ryan Atwood From The OC Was A Lesbian.” (see also: Johnny Bravo Was A Lesbian, as was Nick Jonas Kind Of) I would like to apply the same critical lens to Riverdale, which wrapped up its first season on Thursday, and features breakout lesbian character Jughead Jones (as portrayed by Cole Sprouse.)
Jughead Jones in the Archie Comics is, as of 2016, canonically asexual. But in the CW’s Riverdale, he is a cool lesbian. Here’s some proof:
- brooding
- denim
- always the hat
- probably good with electrical i bet
- strong hands
- cynical
- tactophilic obsession with analog media of all kinds, filmstock in particular
- constantly “working on a novel”
- deadpan, snarky
- this outfit:
11. clearly dyed his hair black with manic panic
12. fits in well with a group of If-90s-Seattle-Grunge-Was-A-Hallmark-Movie Extras
13. “milkshakes”
14. into girls
15. he lived IN A CLOSET AT THE HIGH SCHOOL, i mean COME ON
To conclude: Jughead Jones is Manic Pixie Dream Butch.
Case closed.
