Samwise the Dog enters 2016 presidential race with Bill of Rights proposal.
Earlier today, housedog Samwise made an important announcement from his home in Bahrain.
“On this day, the fourth of May 2015, I, the dog of the house — the housedog if you will — do propose the ratification of a groundbreaking set of laws that will benefit canines who reside at Villa 3134 in the Floating City of the Amwaj community.”
The Bill of Rights. For Dogs.
Number One: All dogs have the uncontested freedom to enjoy schmorshels whenever they so choose. Any schmorshel claimed by mouth is owned by law.
Number Two: All dogs have the right to a fair trial when accused of peeing in the house. If the dog is unable to afford a lawyer, one will be appointed. Henceforth, all humans will be considered potential suspects in all dog-related incidents (i.e. pooping, peeing, chewing socks, farting, etc.).
Number Three: All dogs have the right to a warm bed at night and retain the right to choose to be under the covers or on top — and have the freedom to change said choice at any point during the night. Any human who protests such choices will be punished accordingly.
Number Four: All dogs have the right to hump whatever and whenever they so choose without repercussions.
Number Five: All dogs have the right to bark at anything they so choose. Any infringement on this right will be met with the harshest of punishments.
Number Six: All dogs have the right to deny all feline rights. In court of law, the dog voice will be held in higher regard than that of the feline.
Number Seven: All dogs have the right to vote.
Number Eight: All dogs have the right to have their doggy friends over whenever they so choose.
Number Nine: All dogs have the right to go for walks whenever the hell they choose. If a dog is denied a walk for whatever reason, the human must stand trial for malfeasance against a canine.
Number Ten: All these aforementioned rights may be amended by a two-thirds majority of housedogs whenever any formal or informal quorum is held.
“You should vote for me, Sam the Dog, in the coming election, and I do swear to uphold and defend this Bill of Rights with every ounce of moral integrity a dog can possess.”