Status Update
I sleep 4–5 hours per night, max. Most of my shirts and sweaters have dubious stains on them. I have a classic dad bod. I play golf once a week if I´m lucky and I´m actually sore afterwards. I have a wife and 3 kids. I have stacks of unread New Yorker magazines by my bed, next to stacks of unread New York Times (international edition). I have a mortgage. I work with startups. I just bought a mid century Danish sideboard. I listen to podcasts by NPR. The absolute best hour of the week is taking my 6 year old to soccer practice — if only to escape everything else. I´m balding. I have a slight double chin. Or is it not even a slight double chin but a bonafide gobble gobble? I own lots of black socks. I walk around in shorts all the time, even though I live in Norway, and despite the fact I have bird legs with wispy hair. I own a pair of boxers whose selling point (marketed on the cover) is that they make me look like I have a bigger package than I in fact possess. I have teeth whitening kit in my fridge. I´m constantly either changing diapers or cleaning up messes around the breakfast table or making sandwiches or dressing kids or hoovering up dirt or yelling at somebody I love. I fall asleep on the sofa nearly every single day. It takes me a month to start and finish a book. We have a Helmut Newton monograph open to a naked woman downstairs on the coffee table. I own a Jamie Oliver barbecue grill. I pretend to be interested in things like gardening, silverware and drapes. I have a gym membership which I use twice per month. I have reading glasses perched atop my head. We both snore. We bought a black n white photograph at the New York Affordable Art Fair. I have friends who introduce themselves as “serial entrepreneurs.” Seems like everyone I know has a cancer story. I´m gonna sterilize myself. I only have one parent left alive. We invite people over for coffee and cake. I google things like “how to discipline a 6 year old” and read. We’re debating an au pair as the only way to survive. I have neighbours who note, it seems, every visible event at our home. I put my foot in it more and more and more. We have Eames chairs. I simply cannot let go of Facebook. We binge watch TV shows every night. I´m an expat. I´m losing 5 kilos. I´m training for a half marathon. No, I just stopped training for a half marathon. My dream is to write.
