Same sex marriage equality: the role of loyalty

If I hear one more politician say ‘love is love’ I may never look at a rainbow in the same way.
Living in the midst of a same-sex marriage plebiscite has been emotionally exhausting.
Don’t get me wrong, l love to love.
But when faced with trying times, sometimes love is not enough.
We need loyalty.
In his song ‘Loyalty’, Kendrick Lamar sums it up:
“No switching sides when something’s wrong”
It’s an ode to encourage his partner to stick with him.
Because let’s face it, when the going gets tough it’s easier to ‘switch’.
I won’t lie, over the course of the past two weeks my partner and I have been cracking a little bit under the pressure.
Just last week, I got shoved at the checkout and called a ‘dyke’ when I was simply trying to buy some bread.
It put me in a foul mood and I was short tempered for the rest of the day.
Then just yesterday, we reached a tipping point and had a blew.
After the dust settled, I was left asking myself “why are we fighting with each other?”
This isn’t either of our faults. We’ve done nothing wrong.
And now more than ever we need to be loyal to each other and stand together.
But our relationship is far from being a fairy-tale love story.
Let me explain.
In 2012 I left England for Australia.
I never intended to stay longer than my working holiday visa would allow.
But life threw me an interesting curveball and I fell in love with an Aussie.
A NICU nurse.
We met on pink sofa, an online dating site for lesbians.
As soon as she told me what she did for a living, a deep respect instantly formed within me.
I trusted her.
A 27-year-old helping some of society’s most vulnerable and innocent beings.
And providing support to their families in the midst of their worst nightmare.
She is a dedicated civil servant.
A shining example of a young Australian, proud to be helping those in need.
Her integrity, selflessness and loving nature are just 3 of the reasons I fell in love with her.
Sadly, she also suffers from endometriosis.
A chronic pelvic condition that affects 10% of women in Australia.
Over the course of our 4-year relationship, Ally has undergone 5 surgeries.
3 of which have been emergency procedures.
I recall her ringing me up once at work, and hearing the high-pitched beep of the bedside monitor.
She’d collapsed at the doctors and they’d had to rush her in to hospital.
The strain this cycle put on our relationship was often compounded by the way doctors would dismiss me as her partner.
Often denying me the opportunity to speak up for her when she was heavily sedated.
One time, it got so bad that the doctor refused to refer her to a specialist treatment of what was believed to be an ovarian tumour.
He denied her patient transport from Sandringham hospital to the women’s hospital Melbourne.
Forcing her to discharge herself whilst on morphine and catch a taxi to the hospital.
It was lucky I was there in that taxi too.
Upon reaching the reception area, she collapsed and had to be dragged to a bed.
We waited almost 40 mins for pain relief while she repeatedly told me she felt like she was going to die from the pain.
So when we finally got a bed I was so relieved.
Because I was able to call the cancer specialist who’d been treating Ally, so she could be managed under the care of her team.
In light of her condition, in 2015, Ally was forced to resign from the Royal Children’s hospital and gave up her role as a NICU nurse.
Needless to say, she was devastated.
It was heartbreaking to see her at such a low point, feeling both emotionally and financially vulnerable.
It took its toll on me too.
As the sole bread winner in our home, I was struggling to make ends meet, often feeling burnt out and low on energy.
However, I’d secured a full time position with a Silicon Valley company, and it seemed like there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
But still, it was hard to leave home for training events in the USA because her health was so unpredictable.
All of her surgeries had amounted to little or no long-term pain relief.
So at the end of 2016, Ally was at an all-time low and we were struggling to getg by on one wage.
I decided enough was enough.
No I didn’t leave. I stuck with her.
I suggested she make a Go Fund Me video to raise the funds she needed to see a specialist that a friend of ours had recommended.
With the love and support of friends, family and even some lovely people we’d never met before, Ally was able to get the surgery she needed.
It really has transformed our lives.
She’s been able to use her passion to help others by growing a fb community of over 1800 followers who turn to her for spiritual advice.
Whereas I’ve been able to grow my own business and align with open-mined purpose driven people who want to make the world a better place.
And we can do all the things couples take for granted, like going out for a coffee together, or a walk on the beach, or going out dancing.
All we want, is to be able to enjoy these moments in peace and without fear.
Like millions of other gay couples, we know what it’s like to face adversity and walk through the fire together.
For me, Marriage Equality is an opportunity to celebrate the loyalty that binds us together through thick and thin.
Our relationships are under intense scrutiny and we owe it to ourselves and our partners to stick together not push each other away.
This plebiscite might shake us, but it won’t break us.
Now over to you. How does loyalty strengthen your relationship in the midst of adversity?