Are You a Writer Who Struggles to Write? Here is all you need to know.

As I start my second writing-focused degree, I realize with some pleasure that — after listening to many a professor pontificate about what it means to be a writer — I have a wealth of wisdom about how to be a writer.

Undoubtedly, the hardest part about being a writer is actually writing things. So I compiled a list of the best advice you will ever receive on the act of writing.

Try some of these helpful tips and reap the rewards of your own unfettered creativity:

“Make it a habit”

“Do you drink coffee in the mornings? Write while you drink your coffee”

“Carry a notebook with you and write something down when it inspires you”

“Just do it. Don’t wait for inspiration to come.”

“Stop making excuses. Just WRITE”

“Spin in circles three times fast and then write”

“See someone who is clearly, obviously, no doubt about it, the most wrong person for you?
Have sex with that person.
Develop a complex, carnal emotional relationship with that person before cutting them out of your life for good. 
Realize you suffered enough emotional trauma to write an entire book.”

“Drink the blood of one virginal lamb (however you may choose to come by it). 
Use its blood to write.”

“Put yourself in intentionally risky scenarios so that you finally feel alive enough to write something down.”

“Here’s an idea. When you sit down to write, write just ONE word.
Each day, add another word.
If all goes according to plan, you’ll end up with a subject, verb, and an object,
and then you’ll need some punctuation.
Whether its semicolon or a period or a comma or a dash,
eventually, you’ll have something that looks sort of like a sentence.
Call it a poem.
Its a poem. 
No one can argue with you about that.”

“Step one, peel three grapefruits.
Step two, eat one grapefruit, give the second grapefruit to two of your closest friends (assuming you have those). Be sure they split it evenly between them.
Step three, gently place the third grapefruit beneath your naked bum. Perch atop it like you’re an endangered bird protecting your egg.
Step four, let the juices flow. 

“Adopt a cat and let the cat walk across your keyboard.
Publish it.
No one will know the difference.”

“Pick a random street sign, preferably one that is easy to dig out of the ground.
Dig it out of the ground.
Take it home and place the stolen street sign next to your desk.
Write about the thrill of stealing from the government. 
Is it even stealing if your tax dollars paid for it?
Become a libertarian.
Write about that, too.”

Put it on your credit card (and Instagram, of course)
Go into debt, but still travel so you have something to write about.”

“Find a crowd of unsuspecting and non-consenting volunteers.
Read them one of your poems.
Write about the shame you feel afterwards.”

“Change gender identities for a week.
Forget that this insensitively minimizes the struggles of trans-people.
Do it anyways. 
Go back to being cis-gender and live your life without consequences like the privileged art student that you are.
Write about it.”

“Eat that moldy pasta in the fridge.
If you survive, write about the trip you have afterwards.”

“Get a degree in writing that will teach you all of the ways to be a writer.
Do none of those things.”