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Love and the True Nature of Reality

Perhaps there are other worlds all around and we must only learn to see

When I say reality is an illusion, what I am saying is that reality is not fixed. We create our world. Our reality is created by the stories we tell each other. Your job is to question, question everything you assume to be true — and when you discover falsities, reality that doesn’t serve you or humanity or the planet, what you must do is simple: Tell new stories.

you are not small
you are not insignificant

we have not found the edge of space
so we might as well call it infinity
and we have not found the smallest particle
so we might as well call that infinity too
infinity in both directions
and we are the constant

you are not small

You can pretend the world is magic or you can fall in love with math. They’re different perspectives, two sides of the same coin.

It’s adorable that we think the answers to the universe exist within the language that we’ve created for ourselves, with its structures and systems. Like words aren’t cages for consciousness. The very need to label is a human flaw.

The true reality of nature exists outside our current expression of reality.

Good or bad, hard to say. He held on to things so tightly. He seemed so advanced because he spoke the truth of his reality so clearly. But his reality was skewed. He lived in a different world. A world where things were GOOD or BAD and he could get very sad about them. I wanted to fix the broken parts of him but I didn’t see him as a broken person. Because no person is broken. From my world those parts appeared broken, but in his world, those parts were king. Different worlds and mine just as flawed as his, only in different ways. He saw me as… he wasn’t sure if I was real or an illusion. And he worked his hardest to pick me apart in search of the truth. Pick me apart instead of looking inside. But then again, I was doing the same thing to him.

Romantic comedies where things happen too fast are irresponsible stories.

Falling in love takes time.

Insecurity is the root of all evil.

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Just a girl, jumping in front of the world, looking for a boy to pull focus for her.

The search for the love and the quest for the true nature of reality are the same thing.

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We live in a Multiverse where the past, present, and future exist simultaneously.

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The Universe doesn’t care about your ideology…

but it will bend to it.

We all experience faith. For some of us it’s faith in religion, god. For others it’s science. For some it’s love. Truth or justice. Faith is a belief that the world has purpose and we can know things to be true. But truth is just beyond our current comprehension.

Infinity is birth and death. Infinity is cyclical. It’s not “endless” in both directions, it’s just ever cycling.

Modern women finally remembered that witchcraft isn’t magic. It’s learning to control energy. Energy: what is at the root of everything.

We build bridges with art and language to remind ourselves the connection that already exists.

I think science can be just as dogmatic as religion, so focused on separating itself, it misses the bigger picture. From nothing comes nothing.

To the point where being kind to a man I’m interested in now comes with anxiety. Anxiety that I want him to quell though that is not his responsibility, it is mine. I alone can separate those two pathways in my brain.

The story of love in our culture teaches us that we are not valid until we secure love externally. It tells us that we are not valid unless someone else validates us.

I have not been validated by a man therefore I am not a valid human. Me being perennially single throws water on the circuits of many people’s brains. After I tell them, they twitch a little bit then give me that glazed, does-not-compute look and finish the interaction with a sympathetic gurgle.

Because all I’ve ever done is try and fail. Sure, there were times in my life where I didn’t want a relationship. There were months and even years where my fingers swiped nary a dating site. But those times were often in response to a short, at first fun and then later traumatic, dating experience. A necessary period of solitude to rebuild after I tried to be myself, tried to be like I saw in the movies, tried to make something meaningful happen, tried to make someone love me… and failed miserably.

Love is a verb. Chemistry, magic, that special feeling… not verbs. Not real.

I have held two beliefs very deeply for nearly all my life: love is magic, and seeking a relationship is not a valid use of my time. I bought into fairy tales and third wave feminism. It has not made things easy for me.

Playing the “game” in dating always felt like giving in to the patriarchy. Even before I knew what the patriarchy was. Why would you build a relationship on insincere behaviour? But my behaviour, that which I assumed was deeply sincere and true, was not. My kindness and persistence and openness and trust were all founded on a false belief.

Love is not magic.

Love is socialized.

This dance of particles exists in every aspect of our lives and its imbalance keeps us from getting what we want.

I don’t want to be rational. This romantic spark feels too good.

Let go of fear. Follow your big, messy heart. Trust your gut. Use your intelligence, experience, your deep and rational awareness to light the way. Throw away everything that doesn’t serve. There are whole new worlds coming.

Trust.

Love.

Let go.

I Have an Anger

:::

i have an anger

it is in my bones

::

i have an anger

it is in my soul

::

i have an anger

i am coming to realize

::

i have an anger

jesus. fucking. christ.

:::

i didn’t come here with it

it activated over time

::

i have an anger now

but

i was born nice

the school portraits

you see

they changed over time

::

it started with the magazines

you

are

not

enough

not even close

your body belongs to us

::

the world, right now, i can tell

does not understand a woman’s rage

how could they ?

when i am just beginning to understand it myself

The world? Well… it’s always changing, moving. Squint your eyes, unfocus. Let it wash over you, what you see, what you feel. Don’t push it away :: your feelings, your reality, your pain. Feel it, feel it knowing it will pass. Feel it without slipping into it. Feel it knowing that new worlds exist on the other side of emotion, that new perspectives come from living, dancing, rolling around in pain, discomfort, uncertainty. Breathe. Unfocus. Focus. Let go.

What you are, darling, is deep in attachment. It feels a lot like love. There is a different feeling when two compatible energies match. A certainty. But sometimes we are wrong about the things we were certain about. And we can meet the right person at the wrong time. That happens a lot. We could spend the rest of our lives not even knowing. That happens, too. Though it can express itself in other ways: like disease in the heart.

Oh you’re going to have a real love. Oh yes, if you fight this.

The only way out is through. Except there is no “out”. Only deeper and deeper levels of understanding. But you have to go through. It’s the only way.

Though it strikes me now that the war between fate and free will, god and chaos, is the answer. I think finding the balance between the push and pull of these things, of all our parts is what we’re striving for in this lifetime, in this consciousness.

People need to be told when they’re hurting other people. People need to be told when they’re hurting themselves. Ultimately they’re the same thing. Hurting other people stems from hurt within yourself. We need to speak clearly about these things.

I scream because it is not safe to cry.

You will continue to get angry. As long as you continue to fear anger. As long as continue to fear grief.

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Closed systems will not produce inherent truths. The answers can be found by looking through multiple perspectives, multiple lenses, the Multiverse. Question everything. Beliefs dictate our lives, so choose to operate under the ones that serve you. Because nothing in your singular universe is inherently true.

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I honour the part of me that believes so deeply, that loves so hard. I honour the unrequited love archetype because it is deeply intertwined with the storyteller life. I feel no pain, no regret, no shame, just curiosity. I love the part of me that is so brave in vulnerability. I cherish my hopeless romantic side and chuckle at her unwavering faith.

I don’t have to be one side of myself. I can exist throughout all aspects, with no judgement. I can vacillate and change and evolve every day. There is no fixed reality, no fixed story.

Kill them. Kill your darlings. Murder the stories that hurt you the most.

What if heartbreak is an expression of the patriarchy?

This summer (and now) I have been in what many people experience as depression. There has been intense grief. Anger. Fear. A lot of confusion. An uncomfortable amount of learning. Beliefs being shattered constantly. Sometimes I don’t know which way is up.

It’s okay to retire things before you stop loving them.

brave and foolish are two sides of the same coin

be still, the water whispered

the present moment is enough

do less, the water whispered

because there is no rush

be still, the water whispered

busy is a crutch

love you, the water whispered

who you are is enough

What’s in your highest good is in my highest good. I love so many people. Why attachment?

Why Dystopia? What if we told stories where the future is bright? I realize that stories need conflict. Utopia is, perhaps, less dramatically interesting.

We need to stop pretending that the worlds we create and live in in our minds don’t affect the world outside.

Make no mistake. The most powerful collective consciousness will create reality.

gently darling, your thoughts aren’t real

gently darling, you’re here to heal

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The story of love in our culture does not serve us. I know this because I believed in it. I believed in it so hard. Believing in it is the exact reason I was never able to find love because the story of love in our culture sets us up to fail.

We are taught to seek love externally. We are taught that external love validates us as humans. We are taught that marriage makes us whole. These myths are false.

The ideology of marriage is deeply tied to capitalism, consumerism, and the patriarchy: systems that teach us that we are not good enough as we are. They teach us that love comes from a partner or a purchase.

A culture that teaches that love must be found externally is a broken culture.

I cannot trust my emotions or feelings to tell me what’s true. I can only trust them to tell me what’s going to get me through — to the next level of understanding, the next layer of perception.

How Many Worlds Must We Conquer Before We Lose Our Minds?

It is coming from the ether. We know this. That title. This sentence. All of it, bubbling up from a world of forms, supercomputer, akashic record. Pick your metaphor. You are all wrong. Words will never explain it. The truth is beyond language. Obviously.

Things got exponentially faster before they shifted. Of course they did. That’s what happens at the end of a cycle. It was clear to anyone paying attention what was unfolding. But distractions were everywhere. A frenetic jumbling of stories, beliefs, and lives spinning around and around at an increasing speed.

That’s how it felt in her head, an endless whirlpool of thoughts spiralling, carrying her swiftly with the current to the dregs of this most painful learning cycle. She hit the sides, bruising and bumping her body all the way down. From chaos comes order, she reminded herself again and again and again, sometimes combating the fear, sometimes not.

We’re all just doing the best we can with the tools we’ve been given.

Kelly Tatham is a storyteller based in Vancouver, Canada. This piece was collected from notes, drafts, social media content, essays, and self portraits made in the year 2018. It is presented in chronological order.

We will understand the true nature of reality the moment we understand the human condition. Love is a lynchpin, a metaphor for wholeness and a means of understanding one’s place in the universe.

This is the way the world ends:

Not with a bang

but when all the stories are told.

Written by

Fugitive. Systemsthinker. Saving the world is easier than we think. There is no world.

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