A Call to Action for Institutional Leaders: When Did Abuse Become Normal and Integrity a Lost Virtue?

One of my biggest fears as an emerging leader is causing harm to the people that I am entrusted with.

Stepping into a leadership role straight out of an undergraduate degree program is unheard of, and not only am I immensely grateful to those who believed in me and afforded me this opportunity, but I am also fully aware of the great responsibility that comes with my position. It is not something that I take lightly, and this is probably because of the harm that has been caused to me at the hands of leaders in institutions across the board. The politics and power dynamics at play within institutionalized settings are ones that I have become all too familiar with, even at this early stage of my life and career.

A lot of people discredit me because of my age. However, one of the lessons I have recently learned is that age does not always equate to maturity. I have lived a lot of life in my short 25 years, and while I recognize that I am young, that doesn’t mean I am naive or inexperienced. My kindness is often foolishly mistaken for weakness, and I am chronically underestimated. I am not stupid, and I am not blind. I honestly feel like some kind of alien in this world. I just don’t ever seem to fit in— and quite frankly, at this point… after what I’ve seen, I don’t think I want to.

I am reminded of the words that Paul spoke to Timothy, his young apprentice in ministry:

“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.” — 1 Timothy 4:12 NIV

I feel as though this scripture is applicable not just to young leaders in Christian ministry, but those who serve in all walks of life and professions. In fact, one of my favorite things about the field of social work is the emphasis that we place on integrity as a core value.

As I look back on my life, I see a consistent pattern: God has sent me into institutionalized settings and used me to expose things, shake things up, and, hopefully, help people learn and grow into better versions of themselves. Now, I don’t want a medal of honor for this — believe me. I’ve said to God so many times… “Can you please pick someone else for these crazy missions?”

These experiences have caused me a great deal of pain and suffering, and my own growth was inevitable in the process. This has, in turn, prepared me to step out into leadership myself. I’ve learned a lot of valuable lessons and made a lot of mistakes in the process, and I’ve had to be accountable for those: to God, and to others. However, I believe He has used me in this way because He knew that I would accomplish what He placed me there to do.

You see, I don’t do well with injustice, and a lack of accountability drives me absolutely mad. When it only impacts me, it’s one thing; but when other people are at risk of being harmed, I take that very personally. The bystander effect is a silent killer. I won’t just stand around and allow people to be used, abused, or treated unfairly. This is the combination of the social worker and the attorney in me, I’m sure. In many of these past experiences, I did not leave quietly, and that is something I am proud of. Some people tiptoe on eggshells — I just stomp all over them. If standing up for what is right means that I end up standing alone, so be it. I guess this is what people mean when they say that it is lonely at the top.

There was one isolated incident that I decided to handle with my kid gloves on, so to speak, and I don’t regret that. Because I genuinely care about the person involved and know they meant no harm, I decided to leave it alone. The other ones, however, not so much. I left, guns a-blazing, sounding all the alarms, even though it meant I would have a target on my back and make a lot of people angry. The more I was told to be quiet about what was done to me and what I saw, the louder I got. You cannot just mistreat and mishandle people and expect them to lie down and take it… especially not with me around. Speaking the truth doesn’t make me the most popular person in the world, but somebody has to do it.

I am starting to see that institutionalized abuse is far too common in our society. It is far too often covered up under the guise of “love” and “loyalty,” while the people who step up to call it out and expose it are conveniently scapegoated, pushed out, and made out to be the problem. Forgive me for being blunt, but how much bullshit can you keep hidden in the closet until it really starts to stink?

Healthcare facilities, church ministry, academia… is it possible to survive in these environments long-term and advance to higher ranks of leadership without being completely corrupted and losing yourself in the process? This question is really making me rethink my future goals and aspirations.

I wanted to be a therapist, and that ship sank like the titanic. I wanted to go into ministry, and that dream was murdered. More recently, I want to be a professor — but even that feels a little uncertain to me, at least in this moment. I wanted to be an attorney at one point, but would that really be any better?

I am so disheartened by what I have seen and experienced. It makes me want to hide. Is anywhere safe? Can I really be the change that I wish to see in the world, or is that just wishful thinking?

As leaders, we are supposed to remain above reproach to the best of our ability. Can we really raise up a healthy generation of leaders when we can’t even deal with the deeply rooted issues that are present in our own organizational leadership?

Manipulation, gaslighting, isolation, threats, fear, intimidation, control, smear campaigns… these are all common practices in institutionalized settings and power dynamics. These insidious forms of emotional, psychological, and even spiritual abuse have become normalized, and the “every man for themselves” attitude is toxic.

What is even worse is when the leaders and the professionals in these institutions all stand together and defend each other, while the people they are supposed to care for are ignored, isolated, and sometimes even victimized.

Why are we so quick to turn a blind eye to human suffering? Isn’t all of this the opposite of what we are supposed to do, believe, and promote as leaders? When did we stop prioritizing the well-being of the people in which we are called to serve? What about our colleagues? What happens when the people in charge begin to bully and manipulate their own employees? The hypocrisy that I have seen is astounding to me. It’s absolutely frightening. When, and how, does it end?

I have come to realize that a person’s ability to be a truly effective leader is directly linked to their ability and capacity to love others.

When genuine love and care are present in a healthy way, you will also be able to tangibly and visibly observe things like empathy, compassion, humility, accountability, and respect.

A lack of these things in leadership will go on to severely corrode any organization over time, decreasing its effectiveness and driving away even the most dedicated supporters. Even worse, it can leave people wounded, broken, hurting, confused, isolated, and betrayed, which should never be acceptable. When this happens, something has gone horribly wrong, and alarm bells should be going off. Ignorance is not bliss, and avoidance is not a solution. Those who choose to turn a blind eye are guilty by association and will ultimately go on to reap the consequences. The dignity, worth, and safety of people should always come before status, power, title, position, promotion, or ego.

If you want people to be able to lead well, they must first be able to love well. One without the other is unsustainable — and sometimes, flat-out dangerous.

I recently came across a quote from the text School Culture Rewired by Steve Gruenert and Todd Whitaker that I absolutely love:

“The culture of any organization is shaped by the worst behavior the leader is willing to tolerate.”

It is so heartbreaking and so disappointing to have to sit back and watch good-hearted people sacrifice their integrity and sell their souls to cut-throat organizations that would chew them up and spit them out in a second if it really came down to it, for positions and titles and materialistic gain that they can’t take with them when they die anyway. To watch beautiful people that I love dearly abandon their moral compasses and all they believe in and know is right, only to turn into people who are totally unrecognizable. Loving, compassionate, people who, somewhere along the way, became willing to throw people under the bus and crush the spirits of other human beings so that they can get ahead because they have been so socially conditioned to go with the status quo that they become blind to what is truly important in life. Because they fell for the lie that their worth and value as a person can be found in where they work, who they work for, or what they accomplish, and felt like they had to compromise in order to fit in and maintain their status. It’s hard to watch, but unfortunately, people have to learn their own lessons in life.

Why are people so willing to conform and quick to get caught up in the politics? Why was I? It’s depressing. I think I’m starting to understand why God kept me out of Washington DC in this season of my life.

Another one bites the dust… and this one really, really hurts, more than all the rest combined. It causes me such nauseating grief to think about how many people I’ve lost to this harsh reality, some of whom may never make their way back out of the dark and into the light. At this point, I’ve been betrayed and had my heart ripped out and shoved down my throat by people I never thought would hurt me, people I was so good to and would have gone to bat for. The pain is unfathomable, but honestly, nothing surprises me anymore.

God strike me dead where I stand if I ever allow myself to be corrupted in that way as a leader. To me, there is no worse place I can ever end up while I am still on this earth.

The world we live in is ugly. I hate it here. I’m ready for Jesus to come back.

The bottom line here is this: integrity is everything when in a leadership role. The people that you are mentoring and influencing are looking up to you. Their dignity, their humanity, and their feelings matter. How you leave them feeling matters.

Those you serve should always come before power, status, title, promotion, or ego. Be above reproach to the best of your ability. Be accountable. Be approachable. Be teachable. Be honest. Be willing to admit when you make a mistake, be quick to make it right, and don’t try to evade responsibility or dodge the consequences of your actions. Don’t try to take the easy way out, and don’t step on people who were good to you while you make your way to the top. Listen to people, be open to feedback, and apologize when your behavior negatively impacts someone, even unintentionally. Treat people with decency and respect. Being kind is more important than being right.

With great power comes great responsibility. You can do much good in leadership, but you can also cause immense harm. Do right by those whom you are entrusted with. You won’t go wrong.

Integrity is everything. Let’s do better at upholding this important value and bringing it back to the forefront of everything that we do.

Works Cited:

“1 Timothy 4:12.” Holy Bible Niv: New International Version, Hodder & Stoughton Ltd., London, 2017.

Gruenert, Steve, and Todd Whitaker. School Culture Rewired How to Define, Assess, and Transform It. ASCD, 2015.