Tackle Negative Core Beliefs
9 Steps to conquering your oldest ideas for new found peace.
Core beliefs are truths about ourselves and our world that we develop over our lifetime. They develop from experience and without our knowledge. The conscious ideas we have about life all stem from these base set of core beliefs. You have come across a few in your lifetime. Some have been adopted as positive cliche statements about our world and its human inhabitants such as:
Love is kind
Teamwork makes the dream work
Others negative, like:
Mother nature is cruel
Ignorance is bliss
You have probably also encountered people who have articulated their own core beliefs without even realizing it. Ever hear someone say something like:
I deserve to be happy
I am not worthy
Those were their core beliefs.
Our actions and reactions are a direct result of the domino effect of emotions that come when one of our core ideas is triggered by life events. Issues usually arise when a negative or inaccurate belief sets our reactions in motion.
The following 9 steps will take you from the identification phase through to the solution.
So how do you know you are operating on a negative core belief?
Well the typical response to most negative energies will occur--you just won’t feel right. You may feel too anxious, angry, depressed, jealous, excited, or nervous…the list of emotions could be its own article. Whatever the feeling, negative or positive, you will sense you feel too much of it. Now the process begins, with the next order of business being:
1. Pay attention to the reaction of others.
Feelings are messy and emotions can overpower us. It is natural to feel like you have to react instantly to a situation that intensely provokes you. While self-restraint is an honorable and sought after practice, it does not always happen. That is ok! What is not ok is refusal to take the correct action to prevent repeating an undesirable response.
So what is the second indication that you are operating on a system born of false information?
How others respond.
Ask yourself:
Are people off-put, distrustful, frustrated, or concerned with how I am acting or reacting? Are multiple people having a similar negative reaction? Are strangers offended? Are my loved ones getting impatient with me?
The answer yes to any of those could be an indication of an activated negative core belief.
Pay attention to what others are telling you with their words, body language, tone of voice, and actions. What are they telling you? Is there a theme?
With the awareness of your affect now is time to examine your motives. Do this…
2. Talk about it.
Talk to someone you trust; or three! As many as it takes! The most important thing is that you keep talking until you start feeling better about the issue at hand. This can unfold over a day or years if it is in regards to a repeated behavior issue. Never stop trying to get to the root of your discomfort!
So how do you know if you are doing it right?
Honesty is doing it right… or at least an awareness of dishonesty.
Resist the urge to exaggerate or dramatize events. Pay attention to when you are offering excuses, justifications, or rationalizations for ill behavior. If you catch yourself saying something untrue or dishonest, call yourself out. There is no shame in saying, “That was a lie." Keep talking and get vulnerable until honesty comes easily. Make sure you…
3. Use your words!
Feeling words that is. There are over 4,000 words to describe feelings in the English language so you shouldn’t fall short of options.
Feelings are never incorrect but your focus can be
Talking it out can become untherapeutic if the focus remains too fixated of the unfolding of events or the could-ofs, should-ofs, would-ofs, or I-wills. These things are important for the development of the listener’s understanding of what transpired and beginning your own interpretation, but do not get stuck! As soon as everyone is caught up, start to express your feelings before, during, and after events. Focus on your intention to get to the root of your issue and resist the urge to assign feelings and intentions to others. Talking is useless if you don’t…
4. Listen to yourself.
Shift your focus to what your desired outcomes were.
What were you hoping to achieve from your reaction? What did you hope others would do as a result? Were you trying to control a person, place, or thing?
These are also referred to as motives. Just remember, it is to be expected that you will not like everything you are saying or finding out about how you operate, but do not stop being honest! When you reach a point where you feel that you have maximized your capacity for honesty then it is time to pay close attention.
Get fearlessly raw!
I know you hear what you are saying…but what are you really saying? Find the intention behind your words.
Embrace the courage and integrity of total self-awareness! Pay attention to the statements you are making. They usually start to manifest as blanket statement ideas you hold about people or examples of knowledge about how the world operates. You will find that you will have a plethora of examples in your life that lead you to these beliefs. The ideas will scare you because negative beliefs are rooted in fear.
Write down your findings. The more bizarre and general your statements become, the closer you are to the core belief. Are there many examples from your life attached to these ideas? If yes, then good; you are getting warmer! So now what do you do with this epiphany of information?
5. Take a break... then start digging.
What am I afraid of?
Woah, slow down!
You just faced some of your biggest and oldest fears. Take the night off, you deserve it! Implement some self-care and get a good night’s rest. Take your time to process and collect yourself. Don’t procrastinate though--your conclusions should still be fresh in your head when you reconvene.
Revisit your notes during morning hours of a day you don’t have a lot planned for. Feel free to continue verbally processing with the same trusted therapist, mentor, friend, or family member. Independent work through journaling, mediation, art projects, or self-talk are also options. However you do it--free writing, flow charts, verbal description, imagery, drawing, or collage--it is key that you begin to develop your progression of ideas in a tangible manifestation.
Think small!
Many ideas can manifest from one core belief and there are a multitude of layers that result. The more conscious you are of a belief in your daily life the further it is up the ladder from your original core belief.
Core beliefs are very basic and general statements. They usually aren’t too original. I promise you have heard them before and just did not yet understand how they applied to you.
Examples can include:
I am not loveable,
I can not trust anyone,
everyone will abandon me,
the world will hurt me, etc.
Believe it or not, it still gets deeper then that…
6. Remember it all starts with death!
Ouch, sounds harsh but it is true. What this means is all of our fears are rooted in a fear of death. Sound extreme? Good because it is your recognition of how unrealistic this fear is that will bring about extreme change.
So, how is this possible?
Well ask yourself,
what am I doing here?
I am not yet inquiring about a greater spiritual purpose. I’m referring to the end-all-be-all basis for why we all do the things we do. The answer is:
you are surviving.
At our most basic level of functioning, we are all just avoiding death from one moment to the next.
Now convert your core belief into a statement about death.
Being unloved will kill me,
trusting and relying on others will kill me,
if I am abandoned I will die,
if I feel hurt I will die,
so on and so forth. It seems ridiculous because it is. It also is not true.
7. Contradict yourself with your own ideas.
While there is some basis of fact behind everything, there is polarity to everything in life. Yes, there are circumstances where being abandoned could result in literal death, but the chances of you being in one of those today is few and far between. Humans do not have to function on an animal level, dodging real or imaginary death from one second to the next. We are spiritual beings gifted with a higher intelligence and capacity to understand our world.
The solution…
Ask yourself,
what do I really believe?
Chances are that negative core belief still just isn’t sitting right with you. Are you throwing your hands in the air yelling
“Wait! But I don’t really believe that?”
Congratulations! You are at the precipice of change.
So what do you believe?
You will be pleasantly surprised that the spiritual self you activated from your willingness for insight and growth has a much more positive outlook on the world. When you get an idea of what your positive core belief is, try to formulate it into a basic statement. If it doesn’t feel quite right then keep trying until it feels perfect. It is ok if it doesn’t exactly contradict your negative core belief tit-for-tat. It’s more important that the statement reflect your absolute truth.
The example of
the world will hurt me
can manifest many contradictions such as:
people often help me,
everyone deserves forgiveness,
everything happens for a reason,
or the world is a beautiful place.
The possibilities are endless and one-hundred percent unique to you! In order to keep the positive flow you must…
8. Nurture your positive beliefs.
Write your statements down, meditate on them, journal, pray, share them with another person, or dedicate an art project to one or all.
Volunteering or helping others is always a solid choice for honoring your positive truths about the world. If your new found belief is “people often help me" then replicate those acts of kindness for someone else. But wait, there is more!
9. Forgive yourself!
Yes, you still are not done. The most important ingredient to maintaining spiritual progress and self-growth is the acceptance for our human nature. So you feel a little short of grace to begin with… that is ok, we all do it! The best part is you made the effort to correct it. Give yourself a pat on the back because you are getting healthier!
