Saying Goodbye: Meme’s Story Part 13
Good morning, afternoon, evening, or whatever time you’re reading this. If you are just tuning in, I am writing about my paternal grandmother’s (Wanda or “Meme”) mental decline with dementia in order to raise awareness about the disease and its effect on the person and caregivers. You can find the other parts here.
During this journey with dementia, I can’t count the number of times that I’ve felt grief, anger, and sadness over my grandmother’s illness. My family has no doubt been having those feelings too. I can’t count the number of times that I’ve got on my knees, face planted, sobbed, and pleaded with the Lord to take my “Meme” home.
The Lord was kind enough to grant those prayers. I mentioned in my last part that she entered hospice care at the end of November. The same day I wrote the post, she became nonverbal and unable to eat nor drink. Well, on December 19th at 9:06 pm, my grandmother left this world with her son (my father) by her side. This was for the best, as she began to have aspiration pneumonia due to the Zenker’s diverticulum in her throat. I know she was suffering, hearing from my father of how she was.
My sister, Kaitlyn, has a smidge of doubt in her mind. She was unable to see her due to recovering from the flu. I was thankfully, able to see her before she became “lost” in this world. She hugged me, kissed my neck, and told me she loved me. We were able to talk to her on the phone a couple days before she passed. And she was bright, smiling, and laughing. A glimpse of my grandmother that I hadn’t seen in a long time. I truly believe that was her rally before her passing. She made sure all of us could hear her on speaker phone as she told us she loved us.
I know that it was for the best. But, the kind of person my “Meme” was made you want to keep her here. If she had been able to live ten more years (and not with dementia), I still would have been heartbroken. When caregivers and loved ones of those with dementia become frustrated, it’s easy for us to say: “She needs to see Jesus” or “Lord, just please take her.” Going through those moments without someone is still hard. When at night, I realize I can’t call her. When I realize I can’t watch Hallmark movies and eat gingerbread during Christmas with her. It’s the grieving of missing a wonderful, kind, beloved, sassy grandmother. One of the strongest, bravest, and kindest people I’ve ever known. As I write this, I let the tears fall as grieving is just a reminder of all the love you’ve known from them.
But, I know I will see her someday if I just keep my act together. She wouldn’t want people to become swallowed by grief. I also do know that her son came and took her home with him. (My uncle Paul passed from leukemia on the exact same day 25 years ago). She’s with the people she’s missed for so long: her husband, son, daughter, sister, and brothers. My heart goes out to her last surviving sister and brother. As well as my father, who’s the last remaining survivor of his immediate family.
“its TOUGH, and I cant seem to get over it. Some times I feel alright, but when a calm moment arrives I am as bad as ever.” -Harry Houdini on the death of his mother, Cecilia Weiss
As this blog comes to a close, my heart goes out to all that are suffering from this horrible disease. I am truly blessed that my grandmother only lived five days in the last stage. I know that this isn’t the same story for everyone. My heart also goes out to those that have been grieving this holiday season. Just be sure to process your grief (which everyone does differently). Sometimes you feel okay and in a fog, other times the grief and longing just hits you all at once. Just surround yourself with people who love you.
This may be the end of my blog, but not the end in fighting this disease for many and for me. My grandmother would want me to help as many people as I can. So, that’s what I’m going to do. Live each moment as if it’s my last and to be thankful for my health, my mind, my body, and my family.
…… In Memory of Wanda Mae “Meme” DeFord (1931–2022)…….
All my love,
Kelsey ❤
Helpful Links:
“Feelings After a Person with Dementia Has Died”