Turning Negatives into Positives: Meme’s Story Part 9
Good morning, afternoon, evening or whatever time you’re reading this. If you are just tuning in, I am writing about my paternal grandmother’s mental decline with dementia in order to raise awareness about the disease and its effect on the person and caregivers. You can find the other eight parts here.
It’s been almost a month since I continued to recount my family’s journey with LBD (Lewy Body Dementia). But, the last visit I had with my grandmother about a week ago, she was probably the most coherent she’s been in a while. She was able to actually hold a conversation by talking about the old days. And she also was about 90% herself. Her true self. Of course, about 10% of the time, she wasn’t really aware of where she was and that her stuffed dog was alive. But, we’re pretty much used to that by now. She seems to be having difficulties with her roommate. According to her, the roommate holds the remote control hostage. (And my grandmother loves to watch her Hallmark movies…)
But, she seems to have been passing the time reading and sleeping in her room. Of course, there was one pretty big delusion that lasted about a week. She wants to cook homemade spaghetti as she promised my sister about a year ago (but sometimes her mind goes backwards in time a little). So I just played along and gave her the recipe. When she called my sister asking where her stove was however, we were a little bit speechless…
Anyway, she seems to be doing okay (all things considered) and her 91st birthday is coming up as well. Meanwhile, it seems like my family has been on a high from that last visit. Alas, we know that those good days don’t last very long. It seems like caregivers and loved ones of those with dementia and Alzheimer’s seem to feed off of their loved one’s energy. I have noticed when my grandmother is having a “bad day,” that my father’s mood turns a little depressed. But, the good days are great and as people always say, they are something to look forward to.
Now, for this small story, I will be talking about what loved ones of those with Alzheimer’s and Dementia can do. I might have mentioned joining support groups online such as Facebook. However, there are some caregivers out there that become overwhelmed or burn out by the constant asks for help from others. Or some people become frightened by what people say this disease can do, especially when their loved one is in the early stages. So many questions fill their head. Will my loved one spew hatred? Will my loved one not be able to recognize me? And the answer is that it depends. Dementia and Alzheimer’s is different for everyone. But, you have to keep an open mind to be psychologically ready (if that’s possible) for some of the things that may happen.
I will be sharing what caregivers and loved ones of those fighting this disease can do to give their mental health a boost. Basically, what I have been doing is turning a negative thing into a positive thing. I have joined the volunteer committee for the Jonesboro, Arkansas Walk to End Alzheimer’s in October. I have created a team in honor of my grandmother. I have been creating crafts and items to sell for fundraising ideas. I have been calling my grandmother before visiting her to get an idea of what her mood is like. (If I had called her that day, she was being so hateful (of no fault of her own), I might have been spared some heartbreak). I have also been taking care of my grandmother’s house while my father has been taking care of her house bills. Later, my sisters and I have discussed moving in there later. That way that we can start paying the utilities. But, that’s worth a whole ‘nother post on the financial burden of caring for someone in a nursing home.
Basically, turn those negative experiences into positive ones. Loved one having a good day? Why not take a photo album to peruse? Or ask them if you can record them telling some of their stories? This might be difficult if their memory is fading, but there is so much we can learn from those that came before us. Those that are in the later stages of dementia may have lost the ability to speak. Why not gently brush their hair or rub lotion on their arms? (Of course be sure to calmly ask first). Play some music for them or just simply hold their hand.
I know the journey is difficult and sad and heartbreaking. But, it helps to find some comfort or silver lining with every visit when you can. Having a bad day about the situation and don’t know where to turn? How do you find the silver lining when a dementia patient turns from the kind parent, grandparent, sister, or friend you knew into a combative and cursing other person? Turn toward your family members. Turn toward God or a higher power. If you have cut your visit short, do so as most likely your loved one will not remember. It’s important to not only be an advocate for your loved one, but for yourself and your family as well. What I have learned and am continuing to learn on this journey is that you are not alone. There are plenty of other people out there who understand and are going through this too. ❤
Part 10 can be found here.
I’m also raising money for the Walk to End Alzheimer’s Event held in Jonesboro, Arkansas on October 15th. Please consider donating to our team page. I’m also selling bracelets for $5.00 each, with the money going toward the Alzheimer’s Association. You can find the etsy listing here.
If your business would like to sponsor the Alzheimer’s Walk in Jonesboro, Arkansas, please contact Noelle Richardson at (501) 265–0027 or at nrichardson@alz.org.
Helpful Resources:
AlzAuthors Memoirs: https://alzauthors.com/books-memoirs/#LWD_Memoir
24/7 Alzheimer’s Association Helpline: 800.272.3900
More information on sponsoring the Walk to End Alz Jonesboro Event:
https://act.alz.org/site/TR?pg=informational&fr_id=15384&type=fr_informational&sid=23940