An Open Letter to #MaybeHeDoesntHitYou Twitter

Kelssi Williams
Aug 22, 2017 · 3 min read

There’s a lot that happens after leaving an emotionally/verbally abusive relationship. In the beginning sometimes it feels like the hardest thing you’ve ever gone through, but it gets better.

It gets worth it.

When my ex first broke up with me I thought I was going to feel heartbroken forever. A few months later when I was finally getting over the breakup I found out he had another girlfriend back home the WHOLE time we were together (3ish years). A month after that I found out he also had multiple other girls he cheated on me with. This was when I started to realize the things he said/did to me weren’t normal or healthy, but instead they were abusive.

The cheating and the realization of how he completely betrayed me is what finally opened my eyes to the abuse.

Realizing the abuse was actually abuse was strange. I grew up being taught to be very tough and was probably raised more like a boy when it came to emotions, which made it tough for me to admit I was emotionally/verbally abused. Even now I struggle with saying it because it makes me feel like I just wasn’t thick-skinned enough.

Now, I’m six months post-breakup. It’s still hard. I’d be lying if I said that I’m all better now and I don’t struggle. But, like I said before, it gets worth it.

Some nights I can’t sleep because something during the day will trigger a memory of him and I’ll get anxiety. Some nights I wake up with anxiety because I have nightmares about him. Sometimes I have flashbacks of things he said or did and it takes me back and it’s like everything else just pauses and I’m back in that moment. I’m seeing someone new now and there’s days I get mad over the dumbest stuff because I’m overly sensitive to random things.

It’s tough. Some days the only thing you think about are wanting your ex back because instead of thinking about all the awful things he did and said to you, you think about those few times he treated you like you were the most special person to ever roam the earth.

I’m past that now. It took me a couple months, but I got through it, so I promise you can. I started reading other people’s stories about emotional abuse and that helped. I thought about how I didn’t want a family with someone who might treat kids the same way he treated me.

Now, I’m seeing someone new. It’s early, but he’s totally different than my ex. He’s started to show me how I deserve to be treated and spoken to. Even on the days that I get upset with him over dumb things that stem from my past he handles it like a champ. He doesn’t ask me for an explanation or question why I’m reacting in the way that I am even though he doesn’t know much about my ex.

Things are hard for awhile. I wish there were a magical potion to get you through it, but it just takes time. Everyone’s going to deal with it at their own pace.

Some days you’ll want to give up or go back, but don’t. Reach out to a friend, counselor, family member, or someone else whose gone through it. Talk to whoever will push you and let you vent. Find someone understanding. You’ll get through it and one day you’ll look back at your abusive relationship and realize how far you’ve come, how much you’ve learned, and how much stronger you are now for leaving.

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