How #the100DayProject Helped Me Heal
The day I decided to join the 100 Day Project, the day it started, was the day that my father started hospice care.
I was shattered; the world had changed into a dark and confusing place where treatment turned into terminal. I started the project to do something with my hands, to take up the infinite amount of time that seemed to soak my evenings after work. My life had paused, but was running fast into a new tomorrow where I did not want to go.
I started by drawing in an empty sketchbook I’d had for years. I drew the things around me and what I was watching on TV. By the time I made it back to my parents’ home, I only had two days with him, and the project stopped. After Day 16 my father passed away.
It took a while before I started back up again. I’m not sure what drove me to resume; it would have been easier to call it quits, to mope and cry, and to disengage from the world. But after I got home, after the funeral, dealing with lawyers, and helping my Mom, I pulled out my watercolor paints and made something new.
Last October I started painting for the first time in years, to somehow use art to help me deal with my Dad’s cancer diagnosis. It was mildly helpful, but I didn’t stick with it. But six months later I decided that it was the moment to double down, make something beautiful, to remind me that beauty still exists, and that I could contribute to it.
I started with fourteen paintings, all with a similar island shape and different combinations of colors. Painting for me is very peaceful, watching the pigment flow through the water, leaving an organic edge. After the paintings dried, I outlined them and drew different patterns on the islands, little circles, lines, outlines; whatever I felt the shape wanted.
I let myself experiment with the ink work; going minimal on some and filling the shape with lines on others. It wasn’t until the third round of painting that I found my stride.
As I passed important dates; my parents’ wedding anniversary, Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day; I saw the colors drain from my painting. I worked in grays and blue grays with only slight variations in color. The days were hard; work was hard. Life moved on, literally as my husband and I bought and moved into a new house.
One thing stayed constant through this grieving, my artwork. I knew that even though they didn’t know me, there was a large group of people supporting me and pulling me with them towards the finish line. After every photo that I posted, I looked through recent posts on the 100 Day hashtag. I was inspired by the other projects, and that community guided me through the toughest days and helped me want to catch up or keep up with my paintings.
The color came back into my paintings for the last third of the project. Summer had come; I was having more fun with line thicknesses and really creating my personal style. I had a solid following of other 100 Day-ers who really motivated me to finish strong.
The last few days of the project were the most intense pieces, with their shapes full of meditative, tiny circles to complete my vision. The final piece is my favorite because it clearly shows to me my evolution from the beginning to where I ended. It’s titled Metastasize. It was the first time I mentioned the meaning behind this project, and it got an outpouring of love on Instagram.
Through this period of my life, this project was a life-saver. While I was painting or drawing, my mind was fully engaged, and I was fully present in the moment. You wouldn’t believe how difficult that is to achieve in an emotional state. And now I have a visual record of that time, full of beauty and meaning. The sadness and empty hole in my heart is not gone, nor will it ever be fully, but I truly believe that the act of making, of sharing my artwork and sharing my story, has helped heal me more than anything else could have.
Thank you to Elle Luna for initiating this project. Thank you to the Great Discontent for making it accessible and supporting it. And thank you to the wonderful community of makers who supported me during one of the most difficult parts of my life. You might not have realized it, but each heart and comment contributed to my healing, and I hope to continue to see you create art and share it.
See all of my 100 Day paintings here.
Select paintings are for sale in my shop.
This post is dedicated to my Dad who I lost on April 20th. I am so blessed to have had a dad who supported my love of travel, art, and making.
