Gender Desire vs. Gender Identity

Is wanting to be a woman the same as actually being a woman?

There’s a question I often get from people after revealing my transgender status. They ask it expecting a simple answer, just trying to make polite conversation, but I always struggle with it.

So how long have you known?

It’s difficult because buried inside that question is an assumption — that I somehow knew I was a woman and transitioned so I could live according to that identity. But that isn’t always…