So much of this resonated with me, I had to take a step back to process it for a while. I wish I’d had the presence of mind to be open and honest with my wife about how I felt early in our relationship, but I was laser-focused on being “normal” and thought my fantasies were just a sexual kink that she didn’t need to know about because I had no intention of acting it out with another person. If I had told her, it probably would have come out like, “So, I’m actually a weird pervert, but don’t worry, I have it under control.”
Today, she is still the biggest factor in deciding what my life is going to look like going forward. If being married to a trans woman is going to cause her harm, either through discrimination or internal resentment, then my natural reaction is to not do that to her. I’ll just find some compromise position (maybe hormones and support groups, but no social transition) and hope that’s enough to keep my mental health in decent shape.
It’s heartening to read a story like this about an accepting spouse who not only tolerates your new identity, but loves you for it. We need more people like her in this world.