This article is stirring up all kinds of conflicting emotions for me. It speaks to the struggle I’m facing right now, which is trying to separate out the various aspects of gender — identity vs body vs roles — and what it is that I really desire.
I have a masculine personality and enjoy masculine roles (for the most part), but I dislike my male body and wish it were a female one. I like having breasts. I like every single effect I’m getting from hormone therapy. My depression has mostly subsided since starting estrogen. On the other hand, I don’t identify as a woman. I wish I was a woman, but don’t really feel like I am. I’m told this is a common transgender experience, and that conviction about your gender sometimes comes later in the process, but I don’t know if that’s true because I can’t get into other people’s heads.
It’s disconcerting to me when I hear trans women talk about having always known something was wrong, or having always believed they were girls or women. When they say this is an essential part of the transgender experience, it’s even more troubling. What am I to do about my situation, lacking that female identity?
So in light of all that, your article was thought-provoking and very relevant to me. Thank you for writing it and sharing your perspective.