Before you marry.

Dear Younger Brother and Sister,

I hope you are having a wonderful week, I was thinking of you both and just wanted to drop a line or 2 on Marriage…

Actually it’s an epistle which I will try to update from time to time…

I only have about 17 years of Marriage to draw on and observations of marriages from friends and foe alike…

I will get Aunty Yinka and Uncle Bade who have been married for over 40 years to write their own epistle…

Maybe even Granny Seun and Grandpa Titus to put down their experiences of 60 years…

I hope you are paying attention…

I know how you love #Audible versions of #Everything because you want to multitask so I will look into that as well…

Ready! Steady! Go!

  • Who you decide to marry can usher you into greatness and purpose. It can also screw you up for life. Decide carefully and wisely.
  • Don’t rush. There is no clock ticking in the cemetery where dreams, goals and bodies alike are buried.
  • Your intended only had his or her personal experiences of watching parents and family to draw on so don’t blame them for any shortfalls you notice in courtship. They usually cannot treat you better than how their mother treated their father and vice versa so observe their family dynamics carefully. If more often than not it does not sit well with you or intuitively you know that you may not be able to put up with being treated the same way then it’s over.
  • Please don’t start compromising before marriage ohh. I don’t believe that there is only one person in the entire universe for you. Sorry there are billions of options.
  • Don’t let anyone tell you that backgrounds do not matter. Stay in your lane.
  • Culturally, usually a woman who marries into a richer family is considered a gold digger. You are expected to dance around your in-laws more than normal and God help you if one of their requirements is that you go to finishing school first.
  • A man who married into a wealthier family may be watched suspiciously by others. If he is not confident in himself, he will almost always likely develop a complex and may be out to prove that he is lord and master of his home, which we already know he is. He will be at loggerheads more often than not with the in-laws.
  • Arguments about the merits or demerits of private Schools, joining a country club, pounding yam in a mortar versus blending in a mixer, cooking fresh meals daily without any assistance, kneeling down to serve someone, sleeping rough on vacations versus hotels, sucking up to Lagbaga etc etc are a colossal waste of time…
  • Study your intended the same way you study for all your exams ooo and even go above and beyond in your revision… Better a broken engagement than a broken marriage.
  • Separation and Divorce can break even the strongest of spirits…Study to show yourself approved.
  • If he or she beats you during courtship, the beating in marriage will be on another level ooo ditto any form of abuse.
  • Borrow sense as my people say and run the first time he or she hits you. Yes you have invested years in the relationship but better a broken spirit than a life cut short.
  • Start as you intend to go. Do not and I repeat do not suck up to anyone in the guise of trying to prove you are humble or will make a great catch. Be yourself. If the ‘YOU’ that You are is not good enough, please be the one to take a hike ooo.
  • Don’t tolerate being put down or diminished in any way by your intended. You may become deluded and decide that you are less than what you know God made you to be.
  • If you buy into this false version of yourself it will be with you for many years or for life.
  • Your children and grandchildren will also buy into this image that you have become. This is not God’s intention as you are fearfully and wonderfully made. The apple of God’s eyes. To be told any different is a lie from the pit of hell.
  • Shine brightly like the star you are. Anyone that can’t take you as you are should not be permitted into your life.
  • If your intended berates or speaks ill of a previous love they had, If they are so bitter that they want to pull the person down at all costs and claim that they are just stating the facts. Please RUN.
  • If your relationship goes wrong, they may have assassinated the character of their previous love but they will totally decimate yours and that of your entire clan and village.
  • It will be as weapons of mass destruction wielded by those children masquerading as #world #leaders in the bodies of grown men. He or she will not stop till they vaporise you. RUN!!!
  • Love is not blind. That is a myth. Pay the price now so that you do not have to pay it in marriage. I can’t emphasise taking time to know your intended.
  • 6 Degrees of Separation according to https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2008/aug/03/internet.email states… “In a world of 6.6 billion people, it does seem hard to believe. The theory of six degrees of separation contends that, because we are all linked by chains of acquaintance, you are just six introductions away from any other person on the planet.”
  • Assuming this is true, there is nothing hidden under the sun that cannot be found by asking the right questions of your friends, family and contacts. No man or woman is an Island.
  • Ask! In fact sef become Private Eye during courtship so you know what you are going into… That way surprises are minimised. There will be surprises no doubt but at least you will have a better idea of what you are going into and can make the right decision.
  • If he or she is cheating on you now and you want to manage them as time is running out or perhaps you have ignored the fact that sex should be only within the confines of marriage and discovered that his or her skills in the other room is to die for…
  • Please don’t end up contracting something that will indeed kill you or break your heart and kill your spirit several times over.
  • Sex is transient. It’s great no doubt, fantastic in my opinion, but should not be the reason why you marry a serial philanderer.
  • Oh I forgot, Pastors are men and women. They are not God. Please don’t come and tell me later that Pastor X whom you married, cheated on you or beat you black and blue. I may not be sympathetic.
  • To now decide that all Christians are evil based on the fact that you mistook spiritual titles for Godly character is no ones fault but yours.
  • If you would not be proud of your future child or daughter turning out to be just like your intended, why marry someone whose genes they automatically inherit?
  • It’s okay to be angry occasionally, however avoid like a plague the perpetually angry man or woman. The signs are always there. Even Psychopaths drop their masks from time to time. It’s not worth the drama. It’s not worth your sanity.
  • It is definitely not worth your life. No matter how kind they are to you at first, if you suspect deep down their utterances or behaviour towards supposed ‘enemies’ is deplorable, or causes you to be alarmed even for an instant, please don’t succumb to pressure, expensive gifts and fantastic make-up sex.
  • Sex is only intended for marriage…Yes “Anu has come again!”, you say, but you know deep down you know I am right. Soul ties are real and you leave a little of yourself with everyone you have sex with.
  • Again I reiterate, don’t be swayed by their lyrics oooo. RUN!!!

I need to take a break now. I shall continue later. You are both loved.

Your Dearest Sister,

Anuoluwa