Discussions to have before tying the knot -A list of Questions/Arguments and a different…

“Regarding disclosure of full sexual history….. Hnmmm, well in my case, everything that happened before I met you is of no interest to me unless it can have impact on the marriage in the future e.g you had an abortion and your womb was damaged inadvertently and you cant have kids, or you had mumps at age 10 and found out a few years back that you are unable to have children

I cannot, for the love of me, see the value in counting how many notches the guy or girl had carved in his bed post or the varied positions they had experimented with in the past, with who, when, on what occasion and at what frequency

To reiterate I think the past should remain the past unless the information is relevant for the future of the marriage”

👏🏿 👏🏿 👏🏿

Thank you so much for such an in depth analysis and reply to the questions I sent to you ❤️❤️❤️ which I will post again below…

I hung out with some of my sisters on Saturday ❤️❤️❤️

I love my sisters ❤️❤️❤️

I am compiling a list of Questions/Agreements To Deliberate On Before Marriage 😜

Eramihe Teide pointed out some time back that we need to have some discussions before marriage…She is right ❤️❤️❤️

It’s really important to do a lot of talking before marriage to avoid a lot of hassle and heartache later…

It started some weeks ago and Dr Sope Williams Elegbe helped me out with some so kindly inbox me your contributions and no I am not joking 😂😂😂

How to divide housework;

Who pays which bills;

childcare- night feeds, nappy changes, sleep training.

When can in laws visit and for how long?

Must they give notice or just turn up?

Can brother in laws bring ladies or smoke in your house?

If family have financial problems can you help them with money allocated to rent or school fees?

Who cooks? If you are mad enough to require fresh soup each day are you ready to cook it?

Expectations Concerning Sex? Including Frequency…

God forbid a partner strays will we stay together?

Maximum Number of Times Cheating will be tolerated ever…

If a man strays women tend to forgive in ‘African Homes’

right what happens if it’s the other way round…Will the wife be forgiven?

Who does the school runs?

Are we equal partners or is one spouse the servant…

If a partner decides he/She wants to swing what does the other party do/Say (Hint: Deal-breaker Marriage is Over/Finito)

Whose mother comes to stay after the baby is born?

If the Husband insists on his Mother will she help to Cook, Clean and Care for Child/Children or will she become a ‘Child’ that needs minding?

Is your spouse ‘allowed’ to hang out with their friends and how often?

Whose Parents House do we go for Christmas and New Year etc etc

What should I call your siblings? If I call your older Sister/Brother ‘Sister’ or ‘Brother’…What do your younger siblings call me

If a lucrative career opportunity comes up abroad for the Wife will the Husband Relocate???(African & Religious Issue 😜)

Do we split bills 50/50 or is His Money Our Money and Her Money Hers…

Who takes out the Bin?

Whose church/Mosque/Synagogue shall we attend?

What type of Discipline will we adopt for our children?

State School or Private School for the kids?

Which of us will take Maternity or Paternity Leave?

God forbid one spouse becomes physically abusive what next?

Must I slave at family functions to please the in-laws or is this bondage?

I was told by several women not to call my husband by name that it’s disrespectful 😂😂😂 I should call him Daddy or a pet name 😂😂😂 What do you want to be called after we marry?

If you don’t want to do housework are you willing to foot the bill to outsource this?

Date Night or Not?

How much say do external parties e.g relatives, friends, Pastors etc etc have in our home?

Can I be friends with my ex on Social Media? Can we talk or see each other?

Do we need to divulge our sexual history, partners etc etc? of what benefit is this information? You want to know what positions etc WHY!!!

What happens if one of you becomes ill, out of shape, Unattractive to the other?

What is your definition of submission in the biblical context?

One of my dear sisters has pointed out that it’s wrong to ask these questions as

‘That type of marriage is a marriage of convenience and does not have any room for love, mistakes and reconciliation. It says you do your part and I’d do mine. It’s not for young couples but for older couples who have seen life and made mistakes.’

So now I am confused and can’t decide if the questions should be addressed or not 😭😭😭

xxxxx what say ye…

From the female perspective my view is that our mutual culture is skewed in favour of men…

Why should I do the cooking all the time..

If you go to the restaurant you eat food cooked by a cook so if you do not want to share cooking responsibilities with your wife and you can afford to employ a cook then shikena get a cook especially if she’s not keen on cooking all the time…

If the mother is not overly maternal and wants to return to work after a month or so and especially if she is the main breadwinner then my brother the man can take paternity leave to provide care…

As for the brother in law sleeping over with his girlfriend sorry but I am Pentecostal and unless she’s sleeping in a separate room it’s a no no 😜😜😜

My home… My rules…

I appreciate your candour and making the time to be thorough in your replies ❤️❤️❤️

This is the best and most understanding response I have gotten from a Nigerian male ever and apart from the few issues I highlighted above I am actually quite impressed ❤️❤️❤️