We Have Eyes but Cannot See

Recently a friend of mine was commenting about the simple joy of spending time with her two young children, just watching them play and simply being with them — enjoying their presence and sharing in the moment. It was a profound statement, and it got me thinking about the way in which we interact with others, and with our world.

Frankly, we largely don’t.

We’re very good at being around others, but not so great at being with others. Too esoteric? Let me explain.

We spend most of our lives around people. From crowded subways on the morning commute, to busy shopping malls to people on the street, we come into daily contact with a great many people. If, at the end of a typical day I asked you to describe five strangers you encountered, could you do it? Most of us could not.

Indeed, I’ve known commuters who have no conscious memory of their trip to or from work. One moment they’re having coffee at home, the next, they’re sitting at a desk working. The utterly mind-numbing routine of it has become our norm. Even those who do remember the trip can only describe it in terms of electronic images on a five inch screen.

I don’t know about you, but I find that prospect terrifying.

We get so caught up in our day to day routines, we ‘lose the race to rats,’ to quote a song lyric. Interacting with the world around us — even just to stop for a moment and listen — seems almost alien to us now. We exist entirely within bubbles of our own making, cut off from nature, and from the people around us. And yet… we wonder with genuine confusion where many of our social issues come from. It’s a question that answers itself methinks.

Many years ago when I was living in the city of Toronto, I made an observation that I now know was a form of ‘mindfulness’ practice, though I was unaware of it at the time. I observed that the city felt very much like a living entity. If I just sat quietly in the midst of the busy downtown core, (and I often did) I could feel the energy of the city and its inhabitants. Every sound, smell and sight was fascinating. I remember wondering how many other people sensed this incredible energy, not realizing of course that very few did. If they heard the sounds of the city at all, it was nothing but a background din, drowned out by music provided by their favourite digital distraction device.

We approach personal interaction in much the same way. We’re constantly around people, but we’re not truly with them, enjoying their presence with no social or cultural obligations. It’s similar to the difference between seeing and observing, illustrated brilliantly by Sherlock Holmes to his friend Dr. John Watson in “A Scandal in Bohemia.”

“Quite so,” Holmes answered, lighting a cigarette, and throwing himself down into an armchair. “You see, but you do not observe. The distinction is clear. For example, you have frequently seen the steps which lead up from the hall to this room.”

“Frequently.”

“How often?”

“Well, some hundreds of times.”

“Then how many are there?”

“How many? I don’t know.”

“Quite so! You have not observed. And yet you have seen. That is just my point. Now, I know that there are seventeen steps, because I have both seen and observed.”

Sadly, the term ‘mindfulness’ is currently being pummeled into a buzzword state by the media and others, determined to make it more complicated than it needs to be. In spite of this, there are some very simple things we can do to bring a little more mindfulness into our lives:

• Slow down. If it truly is a rat race, then why are you running in it? Stop and give yourself 10 minutes to breathe, relax and think of nothing. Wherever you’re going it will most likely still be there in 10 minutes.
• Turn off the phone and look up. Take a few moments every day and experience the world around you — no judgements, just let it happen around you. Listen to sounds you never paid attention to before, look at things you’ve never looked at carefully before.
• Be ‘with’ people. Spend time with your family and friends, and take comfort in their company. Don’t feel compelled to talk, just enjoy being in their presence.

I’m no expert on these things, nor do I make any claim to be one. However I know that when I’ve tried these methods in the past, the effect was profound.

Our world suffers from many issues, a large majority of which can be traced back to a lack of empathy and compassion. If we begin paying more attention to each other and to the world around us, our perspectives will be forever changed.

Observe. Listen. Experience. There’s more to the world around you than you realize. You just have to be willing to open up to it.