Another days worth of stories adventurizing in Lisbon, Portugal

First impressions

I LOVE IT HERE! There is a peaceful slow vibe here. Very casual. Sloooooooow paced feel. Lots of space! Quite airy! Very much unlike the warren of vaults that make up the narrow maze like streets of Barcelona. At present I am standing in a large square looking out over the sea, and a safety red or orange painted bridge that is reminiscent of the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. To the left of the bridge is a Christ the redeemer statue with open welcoming arms. Will have to go over there and take a look see.

Since I have been here, all of 3 hours, I have seen more than a dozen people jog by, many people are on road bikes cycling for recreation rather than to work or to an appointment etc., I presume that most of the people walking around at this time are tourists. Oh man, the clouds just parted and I am wholly and completely enveloped in the oh so soothing warm embrace of the sun’s warm glow. This is measured by a soothingly cool breeze and by the click clack foot falls of a couple of heavy footed joggers and the gears of 6–8 bikes flying by. Great start to the day. Think I will do the hop on hop off bus thing to get my bearings. Check in at hotel in 4 hours. Looking forward to the hotel. It’s a bit eccentric. 100 rooms or something like that. Each one uniquely decorated. Some appear quite over the top. I hope I get one of those.

Man it’s hot here!!! I was told that this is Spain’s poor cousin. Perhaps economically.

Such a tourist thing to do

Ok I’m freaking freezing!!!! Water looked quite inviting!! Decided to go in. My stylish microfibre Hilfiger briefs look like stripped speedo’s. Ha! ha! I think I enticed two Dutch sounding girls to join me. Their bra and panties don’t look like bikini’s, though ha! ha! Nice to make new friends. I think I just made many people’s Instagram, Facebook and YouTube feeds. Oy vey!!! Hope I don’t become a meme. My nipples are quite erect and all that. Felt like they were trying to detach from my chest. Sun is hidden and clouds coming in. Cooling down hella fast! Perhaps this was not such a good idea.

How Justin Bieber almost got me knifed in Lisbon

I think I will title this post, “how Justin Bieber almost got me knifed in Lisbon, or how Neil Young saved me from getting knifed in Lisbon”

The restaurant that I am in is quite interesting. Wine is so cheep here. A litre of the house wine is 6 euros. 6 EUROS!!!! A glass is 2 euros. An hour ago I bought 1.5 litres of water for 16 cents. What a town. Anyway, I predict a steady buzz during this trip. Hmm, did I just slur my note? How interesting. A steady buzz here is kind of dangerous given that all walk ways, and most streets are tiled. I’m serious. Quite beautiful how extensive and detailed the patterns are. Smooth and slippery, even when dry, much less when wet. My gluteus will be maximus. Nice and tight after this week lolz How do you climb some of the hills here after a light drizzling? Lots of steep hills here.

Anyway, back to the restaurant. I met the owner outside smoking and inquired about a seafood dish for two consisting of octopus and shrimp. He said that he could have it made for one. I said , “ok, I’m in.” I tried the door. It was locked. The handle was , oddly enough, located just below my knee and in the centre of the door. He produced a medieval looking set of keys and unlocked the door. Odd. I was hesitant as images from the slasher film Hostel filled my mind. So, is everyone in this little restaurant locked in? Wild! I wonder if the patrons are aware they are trapped in the restaurant? Upon entering the restaurant, he locked me in and yelled something to the bartender. Hopefully it wasn’t, “we now have dark meat on the menu.”

I resisted the urge to call the hotel to tell them where I am. I decided that I would face the inside of the restaurant. I struck up a conversation with a guy who’s double table was turned into a single table to allow me to sit beside him. He thought I was “a fellow American.” I resisted the urge to slap him with my white glove. Instead, I gritted my teeth and pointed out that I was at least a fellow North American. He accused me of fooling him. As a card carrying Canadian, I apologized. He seemed puzzled by my cow towing.

He told me that he is from South Florida, and that people from South Florida do not have a southern accent. He further advised that he had spent a great deal of time in his formative years living in Nashville. As a result, he acquired a southern accent. I commented on his lack of accent. A melancholic pallor took over his face.

Oh, It’s quite distracting whenever my jailor exits the restaurant, or let’s a captive out. A very distinct CLICK! CLACK! SWOOSH! Sounds of the heavy lock turning, and door slamming shut interrupts our talk. Shudder! Where was I? Oh yeah, the American further advised that after Nashville, he lived in Manhattan. New Yorkers were not nice to him. He said that if you have a southern accent in Manhattan, people think that you are slow and treat you accordingly. As such, the accent was beaten and shamed out of him. At this point I felt the urge to look up from my notes, straighten my glasses, remove my pipe from my mouth, fix him with a penetrating but encouraging look and ask him to tell me about his mother. Anyway, at this point he got up and left. Of course our jailor released him and he disappeared into the dark streets with a hearty accent-less OBRIGADO! followed by the pronounced CLICK CLACK SWOOSH BANG! as the door was once again locked, trapping all the diners. I’m waiting for my boiled octopus with shrimp to arrive.

I just noticed that they’ve been playing Neil Young on the stereo the entire time I’ve been in this restaurant. That’s easily the longest I have ever listened to Neil Young. Is folk music a thing in Portugal? The street musician guy at the beach was singing folk songs as well. I will have to pay attention to the musical styling a of this town. I asked the owner if it was Neil Young. He beamed at me with a million watt smile: “yes.” I pointed out that Neil was Canadian. The bartender overhearing our chat and beamed, “he’s the most famous Canadian singer.” I agreed. I told him about Ann Murray. He took her name down. I pointed out that currently, the most famous singer in Canada is Justin Bieber. Apparently, The bartender is not a Belieber. He scowled and and grunted, “we will not mention Mr. Bieber.” I’m not sure if he effected a 1930’s German accent. I decided to press my luck and mentioned Nickleback. He beamed again. Guess he approves of Nickleback. I decided to cut my losses and return the subject to Neil Young. He put his knife away and went back to wiping glasses. I wonder if I can write off this trip since I have spread the word about Canadian folk music history.

Heaven in a meat pocket

I’m completely addicted to these pizza pocket things. The perfect marriage between a crispy Kaiser bun with a pepperoni pizza. Yum yum yummy yum yum, brah! My question is, Can I buy this in Canada? There is a Portuguese area in Toronto. Do they sell this and those amazing meat pies thingies there? OMG the meat pies. I could write sonnets about the chicken and mushroom meat pies here. Wow!!!! Also, it all looks so home made. There is a complete lack of pretension in the food here. It’s what I think the French would call ferocious. How do you spell that in French? Ferocieux? Very natural in a nature kind of way. I will now say that after Japanese cuisine, Portuguese is a close second as my favorite. I’m just amazed at how simple the presentation and the ingredients are in Portuguese cuisine. It is so healthy too.

Grilled Octopus, where have you been all of my life?

Got to practice my exceptionally poor French for 30 or so minutes this afternoon in Belem. A gaggle of French people sat at the table beside me and took an interest in my wine selection and choice of 1/2 an octopus.

One of them kept on giving me googley (how do you spell that?) eyes, and the old lady at their table made a few comments about the wine, and I said, “ c’est la vin de la Maison,” and it went from there. They are from somewhere in Burgundy. This was exciting news for me as I wish to do a road trip in Burgundy one day to explore as many truck stop restaurants, and a few higher end restaurants I came across on an Anthony Bourdain episode. So, they were quite surprised and thrilled by my lowbrow tastes, and my knowledge of a few of their local dishes. Thanks YouTube!

Have you ever had grilled octopus, dear reader? This was my first time trying grilled octopus. This must be what it’s like when an addict discovers their drug for the first time. Wowee wow wow! It is such a simple dish, and it is perfection. I have since had this dish many times, including in Macau at a fancy casino hotel. Even in that fancy hotel in their Michelin restaurant it was exactly as it’s presented in this plate. It cannot be more perfect than as it’s presented in this plate, so that is how it is presented and plated around the world. This is truly the signature Portuguese dish. I crave this daily. If you go to Portugal and you only try this dish, I think your trip will have been a success.

Best hot chocolate ever

I think this is the best hot chocolate I have ever had. It is white chocolate: so thick; so creamy; so sweet; so vanilla-ey; so perfect. These Macarons are also quite delicious. This is my third time having hot chocolate in Lisbon, and I must say it beats any other destination for a hot chocolate experience. Previously Switzerland held the record. Although, they still hold the record for the most creative ways of delivering the Hot Chocolate goodness. My favourite delivery method so far is the steaming cup of milk that you stir a chocolate spoon into that melts as you stir. A bit gimmicky, but it works for me.

Only Fans?

I busted a girl taking a picture of me behind her with her selfie stick. I walked in front of her and pretended to return the favour, she hid her face. I now wish I had actually taken the picture ha ha that would have been hilarious. But a bit creepy no?

Chinese accountants

Yesterday, I met a mainland Chinese accountant and his wife who are visiting Lisbon from ChongChing China. They spoke excellent English but were happy to entertain me in Mandarin and Cantonese for parts of our brief chats. The wife complemented me on my pronunciation of Cantonese. She said that my tone and accent was almost perfect. Mandarin is another story, ha ha!. So Chinese workers seem to get about 3–4 weeks of vacation per year. Her husband owns his own company, so he gets as much as he wants, but he has to cater to her schedule. She seemed quite cheerful. They travel quite a bit and widely. They have been to Toronto, Canada two times. They love Niagara Falls, our China Town and find the people to be friendly, and the city safe. So, that is good. I told them to drop me a line if they are ever in town. They said that they would show me around their city if I ever visit. My Portuguese driver seemed to find me a bit more interesting after that encounter.

Goodbye Portugal

Last meal in Portugal, at the airport. Not really what I envisioned. Why would they think that people would not want to eat crab, shrimp, cuttlefish etc., before their flight? Well at least they have these delicious milk tart thingies. Daaaamn those things are delicious.

The only country I have ever gained weight in while travelling is the USA. And let me tell you, I eat like a fiend when I travel. Perhaps one day I will take a pick of every single thing I ingest during a trip. Even here I probably documented about a third. You can only take so many pics of yourself holding up food like the baboon holding up the newborn lion king.

Goodbye Portugal. It’s been Fun.