Surviving Da City (series)

Not for the faint of heart

First responders & Healthcare Professionals (God bless them) know the very unique sound(s) a human body can make when in distress. When that human body falls, when that body is hurting, when that body is dying. We also know when to react, how to react, why to react. Don’t second guess. Be rest assured. We can know how bad the injury can be soley based on sound. Then we get up. Stop whatever it is we are doing or enjoying, stop mid pee, mid eating, mid whatever & go. It is ingrained in us. We can’t help it. We are like vampires needing blood. We blindly go & go until sated. Until whenever, whatever situation is complete. Spent, we wearily slink back to our normal lives. Why? We are bound to help. It’s in our blood, our dna. Hell…we took an oath and damnit we meant it! Well, most of us. We can’t stand to see people suffering, hurting when we know or hope there is an alternative answer. This is why we all get into this field (Ok, most of us. Need I say more?). To kindly help complete strangers in distress. Meaning, getting up and helping. Right then and there. No matter how tired, stressed, hungry, horny, angry or how bad we need to pee.

However, in the same vain, we really wish you stop doing stupid things that get you in that situation. Yeah…you know who you are. I’ve watched and belly laughed at that show on MTV, Ridiculousness. Hey, that shit is funny!

So…with all that said….when I heard the loud T H U D followed up with the very loud agonized screaming. I knew straightaway someone fell onto the subway tracks.

Oy vey…it’s gonna be that kind of commute…

Yesss Lawd! It was the end of another very long day. I’m in healthcare, so everyday is really bloody long. This particular evening I’m impatiently pacing back & forth on the tiny crowded subway platform. Trying to get home tonight. I was just so unbelievably freaking grateful that I made it through another shift without stabbing someone with a writing instrument (I’m being kind here. I do work in healthcare and I have a WEALTH of instruments to choose from) in the their privates and dragging it up & out of their eyeballs. Yes. Both of them. With gloves on, of course.

My imagination is very vivid and can be bent a little on the strange, but mostly I’m hella funny. Let’s look at some interesting options while we’re here shall we? A bunch of bandaids in the hairest of places. Withdrawing blood multiple times within a span of 5 minutes…from the same site. A very close & intimate shave for a procedure that’s been called off but I haven’t been informed yet. Yes, I know, you’re starving too. You gotta love a vivid imagination.

By the way…I would NEVER EVER THINK of hurting anyone via these methods. (did i really need to type this? yes I did because some people don’t have a humor gene) But I’d be wary if I’m looking at you with a strange crooked smile when you’re trying to piss me off by refusing services or not listening & someone needs something done STAT (like right now) and you suddenly have to pee after I had to chase you back to your room from the solarium. Seriously?!

*Please note(again):

And this side note is for you. Yes, you who just said “You see Ethel! I knew they got their jollies sticking me, starving me, shaving me...yadda yadda yadda...”

We would NEVEREVER…I mean NEVER think of completing such acts!!!!! Please do not think healthcare professionals intentionally harm anyone! We are good hardworking people on your side. We want you well & out of the hospital just as much (or more sometimes) as you do. Ok? Ok. Moving on now. We good.

But I digress…

Like I said, It had been an extremely long & aggravating day of complaints, death, dying, smells, thrills, chills, fluids AND yes excitement! Just another day in paradise working in healthcare. I needed to be home. Now. I needed a hot shower, a drink and ma kitty…stat please. In that order. But it won’t be in that order. I will open my door to ma kitty screeching at me; her regular mantra…feed da pussy…go clean da pussy’s box…pet da pussy, enough of petting da pussy, get away from da pussy. Then an hour later after my short but clean nails are now filled with ma pussies poopies….I’m beyond exhausted. My arms dragging ma pretty pussy(kitty for ya dirty birds out there) heavy poop bag and the other bag clanging with ma kitties tins to the trash shoot am I finally able to strip away my sweat laden clothes from my commute & exertions with ma pussy (uh huh…easy there…ya nasty. My CAT!). I finally am able to step into the hot shower & wash off another crazy day. I can now reflect on the day…in order to release it & try to get my heart into a regular rhythm. Cause that commute was uber duper CRAZY today!!!

I almost saw a man die in front of the train, again.

Ok, I mean, yes, once I was witness to a man dying because he jumped in front of the oncoming train. Yes, in front of me. Yes, I saw it all. Never again will I forget that sound of human bones crunching under tons of steel. Never again will I forget what a human body looks like once…I must note, my fear of death and beyond has been much lighter since that man died all those years ago. That tortured soul who died that day, his face, his eyes, open…an absolutely beautiful clear clear sparkling blue were not contorted in pain but free like his spirit. Beautifully free from his pain on this plane of existence.

Ok, so I’m standing on the subway platform and I glance up at the sign to inform me so graciously how much longer I needed to pace and wait with the other 5,000 smelly loud tired people on this platform.

There were a ton of hospital staff members anxiously waiting for that first hit…whether it be the hot shower to erase the day, that first sip of an adult libation they could get their fat greedy fingers onto, or the first hit of whatever they inhale whether its nicotine or “herbal” relaxants…hey, no judgements here. Little did I know the potential of my unintended pun.

When I glanced up at the sign, I noticed it flashing “0”, meaning train is coming into the station! Hot damn! On ma way home!!!

Then I heard that horrible sound, and then the scream of agony. I knew straightaway what it was, but I really, really, REALLY didn’t want it to be reality. I gingerly leaned over and looked onto the tracks.

My stomach did a belly flop.

Oh sweet Jesus! There’s a man on the freaking tracks!!!!


The wind had already started moments before the sound. That’s how you know a train is coming…besides all the lights, bells and whistles. So, if you’re plugged in (please don’t…be alert & aware) you know by the wind it’s on its way in…fast!

I started praying and moving. Luckily for him, there were a plethora of people on the platform waiting otherwise it might’ve been a very different story.

I’m not catholic but I was calling on Jesus, Mary & Joseph. I called on God. I called on the His protective white light and His angels to give us strength and knowledge to get this man/person off these tracks now! I recited Psalms. I was praying hard, ok?

I hear the train coming into the station. I see the lights. I felt the rumble. Oh no,no, no,no, no, no, no, nooooooo!

I’m still moving and looking for the po po (police). I’m hearing straining, groaning and grunting, yelling.

I think…wait…no, no, no, no….the train has passed over the area where he fell. WTF?! I cannot. Fix this Jesus! (yeah I realized I’m cussing and praying. I’m a sinner in recovery ok?)

Oh my goodness….please!




I’m sweating bullets…I’m still behind a crowd of people…stopped because I know my peeps got him…if they didn’t there is a hospital within minutes with incredibly, talented and knowledgeable folk. I know because I’m very proud to say I work with them.

Plus, it’s too late now.



There was just not enough time. We tried. We. Tried. There’s a TON of RN’s & DR’s on this platform alone…ok maybe just RN’s. Ugh, this will be a long road of recovery (positive thinking) for this guy. He’s gonna be ok. Yes. Yes, he will.

I have faith. I must be positive. I must not give up!

Oh wait…wait! What is that? I hear yelling…I think…what are they saying...whaaaa?!

Only in NYC will you get screamed at by the throng of people who just saved your sorry ass life after your dumbass fell onto the subway tracks to retrieve your bag.





Yeeeeaaaaah…He’s fine.