Joker (2019) was recommended to me by a trusted friend. (Note: I also just really wanted to see how the meme originated.)
I went on my merry way and found myself really enjoying the film. Unfortunately, I had work shortly after. Seeing that my thoughts and reactions had to be put on hold, I begrudgingly simmered. When the friend who put on me on to the movie was finally free, I said so much. In retrospect, I’m really glad I took that intro cinema class. Books still catch my interest more than movies and the like, but after I took that class back in Spring 2018, I felt a newfound respect for the industry and increased appreciation for the artistry.
I was encouraged to write more. Feeling flattered was my first reaction. Then it dawned on me. When was the last time I wrote something? A non-academic piece, something personal. Funny how easily the ceaseless typing came when I was unfeeling. Now that I’m okay (well… more than okay, actually), the words no longer pay me company. To add insult to injury, I don’t remember the last time I picked up and finished a fictional work. My only excuses are 1. “I was busy” (which is still true) and 2. I need to immerse myself and not be distracted to fully enjoy something (which is also true). I’ve had other bigger life priorities demanding resolution and progress. Along the way, I became accustomed to throwing my hobbies and interests over my shoulder into that growing pile in the backseat. At least I have amazing work ethic to show for my efforts. My greatest strength is my relentless willpower and even I am quite proud of what I’ve accomplished. The trade-off isn’t so bad. All’s well that ends well! I’m looking forward to reigniting my creative spark.
I think 2019 has been about proving myself. For me. Reclaiming confidence, learning to be okay with being lost… and confronting the past. I had spent a long 5 year period in gray. My eyes are still adjusting to color.
