The Mission Is Me

As I gear up for my very first mission trip, I am fully aware of my personal need for Jesus. Here I am preparing to go tell others about Christ, what He’s done for me, and what He can do for all — all this while knowing who I am. The funny thing is that I feel like God has me right where I need to be. No disingenuous testimonies that only speak of the good while leaving out the bad. God is certainly interested in my being real with Him and with others that His glory might be all the sweeter. For a while, I can’t say I was doing either of those successfully. Most of the problems I faced were because of my unrealistic expectations about life and God. I felt like I should have been further along in my relationship than I was, but God had me there for a reason to shed some of the falsehood. I felt like I should have a husband or at least a prospect, but God was working on my mind and heart through singleness. I felt like I should have more financially, but God was showing me that I can make it by His grace if I simply trust Him. The areas I was obsessing over (dare I say) are the areas that God really stripped away from me so I could see myself a part from it all. It was painful. I cried many tears and I even considered giving up. But God…

Many of my ideas and ideals died in that place, but I thank Him that I didn’t die spiritually in that season. I know for a fact that I’m in a new season. Things aren’t perfect. Situationally, things haven’t changed that much at all. Yet, I feel a peace inside that I haven’t felt in a very long time, maybe since I first got saved (about 3.5 years ago). I have this feeling of certainty that God is truly doing a new thing. I can perceive it. God is near. I am His mission. I know now that I couldn’t be the person He needs me to be if He didn’t allow me go through this experience. He used this situation to shape me. Just like the person who hears the Gospel for the first time, I had to hear a timely word from God that was distinctly not of me. Now, I feel like I’m being born again. I feel light. I feel brand new. I feel ready to move.

Now I’m finishing up my packing only to fly out of the country this afternoon. This trip already seems so much sweeter having experienced God’s grace in a way that is continually changing the way I think, the way I approach God, and the way I live. It’s no coincidence that I’m at this point in my life, and I recognize it! I feel so blessed. More than that, I am excited about where He’s going to take me! I finally learned that it’s not about me and all about God’s greater plan! Never again do I want to be a hindrance to that! ❤