Black Excellence in Hindsight

Below is a poem I wrote staring at the wall at my moms place exactly six weeks ago today. At that time I was suffering with my on again off again relationship with insomnia. Yet another black person had been killed (MURDERED) with impunity by law enforcement. I think about police brutality as a whole & how it’s effected my live & how it has put a perilous fear on the women in my family.

My mother hugs me a little harder each passing day even though working at her former job robbed her of some of her best years & strength. The nerve damage she feels doesn’t even trump the emotional pain & anguish she received through being mistreated because she is African american coupled with promotions that her bosses purposely devalued & disrespected because she is a woman left an imprint of pain that no doctor can fix.

My sister is just glad her big bro makes it home everyday because I’m the only consistent male she’s ever had in her life. It’s true. I practically raised her so I’m overprotective because if anything happens to her I’ll turn into a monster hell bent on destruction with nothing left to live for. As a black female there is no safety net for her in this country & I think she’s realizing it on her own & it saddens me. Thankfully, she has the bubbliest personality of any human being I’ve ever met. I root harder for her than myself & I always will.

As my mom & sister lay asleep in the bed next to me all I could do was write something that would hopefully liberate them from the perils of our everyday struggles & help me clear my head. With the exception of a few articles here & there over the past year or so I didn’t write. I was crippled with my own self doubt on if I ever wanted to write again. (I’ll explain why later. Stay tuned.) I really had no real direction that I felt I could go in because the depression was long & mentally castrating.

On that night I not just wrote this poem but about 30 other works that I will release in due time & most likely not in the same order. I wrote this because it needed to be said to help validate my sanity & because I’m numb to all the genocidal tactics being done against African american/melanoid people. Here it goes:

“You stare bullets holes right through me & watch me bleed.

Then make excuses for my unjust execution before my body hits the ground

You aim your daggers of demise at my corpse with deceit

All while my mama cries over her dead child in the street

I suffer from your sins while your kids view me as obsolete

They grow up to deny my reality because black plight to them is a fallacy

Yet white kids love trap music & feel entitled to say nigger

But all that shit changes when one stands before them with their finger on the trigger.

You know my pain but your hatred outweighs my humanity

I’m a fighter of white supremacy but you bastardize your own sanity

How does it feel to know you’re evil & you chose to not do shit?

God works in mysterious ways because your women loves her men black, rich & fit.

.

Peace to you is clearly a tragedy

The violence you spread is more dangerous than zero gravity

However, the beast you unleashed on us is weak & finite

Our DNA & the African spirit is glorious & commands the limelight.”