Open with Love: A Letter to Future Me

Dear Me,

I hope you’re hanging in there. I know you’ve had a rough few years so hopefully by now you’ve see how everything you’ve dealt with made you a better person. One could only hope.

Assuming you’re not poor and destitute, I hope you're enjoying life in D.C! I’m not quite sure if that involves working for the FBI or with some police force or even as a lawyer (I’ll leave that decision up for you to work through) but I hope you wake up every morning thankful for what opportunies you have and the people surrounding you. Even though I know you are far wiser than I am right now, I hope you had some sense to cut off all the toxic people in your life. The nay-sayers. The people always waiting for you to trip up. Not the people who challenge you to be better or rebuke you for your best interest. I pray that you are able to discern the difference.

I hope you have some laughs and some fond memories. Enjoy the city, get lost, visit museums, be cultured, don’t keep yourself in a bubble like I have the habit of doing now. Meet new people! But remember not to neglect the friends you made along the way that helped you get to where you are now. Keep in touch with your friends and let them share in your adventures and you share in theirs either by calling, letters (only when you are feeling super sappy) or social media. That’s another thing, I hope you stop finding your worth in social media. I know, I know, every fiber of you right now is cringing because that’s not you, right? Wrong. I hate to admit this, that is you. I hope as you’re reading this you can thank the Lord if this doesn’t apply to you anymore but if it does, just take it one day at a time. Be aware that this isn’t an overnight change and the best things take the most time. Know that you are inheritely valuable as an image bearer of Christ and not because you got the better half of 60 likes on a picture.

I hope you stopped beating yourself up for mistakes or miscommunications. Learn to appreciate your sensitivity and use it to better you rather than a tool to always feel sorry for yourself. Really, stop playing the victim, that probably isn’t healthy. Another unhealthy habit you should break is feeling as though your emotions aren’t valid because they don’t seem logical. Stop being passive aggressive! You’re not helping anyone by shutting down and pretending to be okay. Also get a therapist if you haven’t already because speaking from experience, you have the tendency to cope in really damaging ways and it’s better to just get some help for it. You’ll thank me later. And don’t be ashamed of it, but acknowledge your strength in being able to admit you have a problem. I know you’re learning to love yourself so remember patience is a virtue and grace is freely given to you.

Cultivate daily a thankful heart. Recognize the sacrifices your parents made for you (you better be calling them everyday and telling them how much you love them and if you aren’t, stop right now and call!!) and that they will continue to do so just so you can have a better life than they had. Stop holding on to the bitterness when you and them didn’t see eye to eye. Know that everything they did was from a place of love even if you couldn’t see it at that point. I think it’s safe to assume, you know you aren’t always right. Try to pay them back even though you never can. Rejoice in the victories of your siblings, they are the only people who really lived life with you everyday. Right now, you should be at the age where your siblings are your best friends and you better be taking advantage of it. Make an effort to visit them. Be ready to fly to their rescue whenever they need you. Expect them to do the same for you.

Remember to never stop being unapologetically yourself! There’s no value in being exactly like everyone around you and it’s always good to stand your ground. I hope by now you actually believe that.

I hope you never feel so self-suffiencent that you deny how much of your accomplishments are accredited to God being with you every step of the way. I know that is something you struggle with but I’m here to remind you that He cares and He misses you. Spend time with Him!! You always feel so renewed being in His presence when you’re in a funk.

Okay, this is the hard part. This always has been but lately I’ve been coming to terms with it and here’s to wishing that you are no longer living with the shame associated with your biggest sin issue. I know you’ve read all the articles and listened to all the sermons about SSA and I’m just here to remind you that maybe it’s not your place to understand why you were born with this. You were called to be born again and to live in the truth of the Lord. I know, I know it’s not easy fighting your instincts but it says something about your character every time you actively say no to temptation. If you happen to stumble and find yourself not living in the light, get in community with strong believers who will help you and talk through these things. I know you remember what it’s like to carry such a big secret and how damaging it can to live a life in the dark. Ultimately just remember that you are already forgiven.

Anyways, take care of yourself! Have fun and take lots of pictures! Can’t wait to meet you (or become you).

Love you and best wishes,

Your past self.