How to network like an introvert
Hi, I’m an introvert.
I love my alone time and I mean I love it a lot. In social situations, I am quite happy to stand back and listen, rather than talk. I’m very selective about my interactions, only because I prefer one-on-one meetings with genuine people and am exhausted by the opposite.
But I’m also a creative marketer, a former radio newsreader, and a successful networker. I have a strong network of trusted relationships that have helped my career, given me great mentors and friends, and I am incredibly grateful for them.
If you get to know me (or give me a couple of wines), my banter is also pretty epic. Except for that one time I did stand-up comedy, that was a bust but I blame the wine.
Many people are surprised when I tell them that I’m an introvert, simply because I don’t necessarily come across as shy — I’m just really good at forcing myself out of my comfort zone.
I’m going to share with you a few networking insights that I learned across my 10 years working in communications and how I put that into practice as an introvert and an entrepreneur.
Choose your interactions
I prefer meaningful interactions with people that delight and excite me. If the conversation feels natural and flows easily, that to me is a successful interaction. Or even better – just enjoying each other’s company in silence without feeling the need to talk.
But networking requires you to say some words, it could get a little awkward just standing there and staring.
Forcing conversations with someone is really uncomfortable for me, and ‘faking it’ is just the worst. I hate feeling stuck in a conversation I don’t want to have and nothing makes me want to run away more.
So I carefully choose who I want to interact with. Some people are just hard work to be around, some are less work — who would you choose?
That doesn’t make me a snob, it just means I put my energy into relationships that I think are worth it. Consider your networking in the same way — why do you want to meet this person? Will you be energized or drained by this meeting? Choose.
Watch, listen and learn
Two key things that introverts are good at: watching and listening. We are very observant and pick up on the slightest details. We are also great listeners, so we are empathetic to your message and more intuitive to what you care about. Being an introvert has given me the opportunity to observe our behaviour, interactions and how to best engage.
No one likes that guy who can’t wait to get a word in and interrupts the speaker. Listen to someone, understand what is being said, and choose your moment to speak.
Manners go a long way
Good manners are amazing, they should be instinctive. Saying please and thank you is certainly a good start but it does come down to respect and gratitude.
I come from a family that knows what it’s like to struggle to put food on the table. We knew the meaning of sacrifice and being grateful for the little you have.
Unfortunately, manners are very rare, even in business.
I know people who’ve been given incredible introductions by someone in their network and they walked away from the meeting without saying thank you. That absolutely burns me up and I wasn’t even the one who made the introduction.
Appreciate the good work of others, especially if they’re doing it as a service to you — nothing is owed to you.
Share your uniqueness
We may have things in common but there is no one else in this world that is uniquely ‘you’.
As a humble and quiet New Zealander, living in big and loud New York City taught me how to share my uniqueness by telling my story, confidently, and in less than 20 seconds.
Short and sweet is fine by me, I’d rather not prolong talking about myself because I’m more interested in listening to your story.
However, it’s important that people understand who you are and that you don’t bore them when you do it (my second worst social nightmare, first is being in a room full of people I can’t relate to).
Sharing your story is an opportunity to ‘WOW!’ someone.
So ask yourself:
- What is your story?
- What do you care about?
- What are you on this planet to do, right now?
You are in control of your narrative and no one knows it better than you do, sometimes putting your story into words can be hard. Crafting your personal elevator pitch can help unpack your key talents and tell that story clearly.
Pitch like you mean it
I’ll tell you who are really good at elevator pitches and that’s not-for-profit organizations. They can be really engaging and persuasive, my guess is because they have a passionate cause that they truly believe in. Also, they need to keep that flow of donations coming through to keep their doors open — charity collectors mostly rely on commission to put food on their table, so they’re constantly perfecting their pitch because they’re hungry for it.
My advice to you is controversial and contrary to what a lot of people will tell you: don’t memorize your pitch (in casual situations, formal situations like investor meetings demand it). I’ve seen eyes glaze over when they feel like they’ve been given an over-rehearsed pitch. You can stick to a pitch until you’re more comfortable to ad-lib but make an effort to sound natural.
For tech companies, Silicon Valley Investor Bill Reichert has some great advice on ‘Getting to WOW!’ with your pitch.
Be thoughtful
I think a lot. Sometimes, that is to my detriment (hello, anxiety). But no matter what my busy brain is occupied with, I always stop to consider another person and my interactions with them. Deep consideration for who you’re communicating with can strengthen your relationships and advance your connection.
Your networking should be impactful, meaningful, and wonderful. Every opportunity to communicate with someone is an opportunity to form a meaningful connection and build your network.
A meaningful connection is one that is made with intention: really think about that person, do research into what kind of experience they have and how they prefer to be communicated with.
This will help you understand exactly why you should be connected with this particular person and how to appreciate them (see: manners).
Quality, not quantity
Introverts appreciate high quality interactions. Whether it’s collecting ‘Likes, Follows or Connections’, randomly adding new connections just to populate your network doesn’t bring true value, just like how quantity does not equal quality. I want to give 100% of myself to someone because they deserve it, otherwise I feel like I’m dividing 100% between everyone and I personally find that to be overwhelming and stressful.
That is not to say that having the metrics of a huge following isn’t valuable (for celebrities, speakers, influencers) but even they understand the type of person they want to reach with their influence and they have a select, trusted network that is separate from their following.
There may be cases where you’ve made that type of connection and it has been successful — but your success will be consistent by making a connection with clear intentions.
Go get it
I used to be a person that didn’t use his voice. I was passive and didn’t fight for what I truly wanted and so I was unhappy for it. Years later, I am no longer that person. I’m ambitious: when I decide I want something, I go for it and you will have to drop a mountain on me to stop me.
As a creative, I am also visionary — I think about my future with imagination and plan a clear path to goals that are helpful for my future. I want pie that I can touch, not one that’s in the sky.
Having grounded, actionable goals will help your direction and achievements (what do I want, what action do I take, what resources do I need to make it happen, when will it happen).
You will benefit more when you focus on what you want to achieve before you start networking.
“This will prevent you from aimlessly wandering around meet-ups and cocktail parties”, says networking extraordinaire Kelly Hoey who is also an Entrepreneur, Investor, and Author of ‘Build Your Dream Network’. Her free worksheet will help you set your networking goals.
If you are really, really unsure about your goals, listen to your gut and keep working on your goals until it sits right with you. Just make sure you’re not listening to that little voice in the back of your head that tells you not to take risks: fortune favors the brave. Get it, girl.
Personalize your message
How many meaningful connections have you formed by sending this message on LinkedIn?
My guess is … not a lot.
Thankfully, LinkedIn now encourages its community to personalize their invitations. As a marketer, I am obsessive about understanding who a brand’s audience is and using communication that is tailored to fit that audience.
As introverts, we seek genuine connections, so this should be a priority for us, we just may not have the tools to understand how to reach out.
Imagine the impact of your message if it shows you understand the person you want to connect with, acknowledging their hard work, why you value you them, and what value you bring.
Here’s a message I wrote to someone in my network:
My message isn’t prescriptive and isn’t meant to be used as a template, let your message be uniquely ‘you’ with your tone.
This is simply an example to show a more personal approach and that I’ve done my research. I’m trying to create my own luck by putting myself into the message without relying on a generic message to hopefully/maybe connect.
Give value and receive value
What is the value you bring to them and what is their value to you?
Strong, healthy relationships of any kind are ones that include a value exchange: this is true for networking, also.
That value doesn’t have to be an introduction to your next sales lead — the value you receive could be meeting your new mentor who absolutely inspires you and changes your life.
On the other hand, you could also discover someone in your network who genuinely needs your help and the level of advice and expertise only you can provide.
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I hope this has been valuable to you and helps you create more meaningful connections.
Let me know in the comments below if you have any tips that helps your networking!
(all images, except mine, courtesy of www.pexels.com)
