Your attitude adjustment apparatus has three main components: occipital clamp, dental anchors, and nasal/laryngial probes. Once or twice a week you will visit your therapist, who will help maintain your level of discomfort within acceptable range.

While your headgear should automatically induce corrective reactions to unacceptable behavior—ranging from sneezing to moderate “ice cream” headache all the way up to sudden bouts of projectile vomiting—it also comes with a pair of remote controls, one for your parents and one for your vice principal, in case on-the-spot adjustment is necessary.

You’ll want to take special care with your battery pack. It powers your network connection, sensors, and reporting channels, and maintains appropriate electrode tension against your uvula and soft palate.

Your spare battery should remain in its charging cradle at all times; be sure to carry it and its AC adapter with you when you leave the house. Should your battery discharge fully or be removed, mechanical backups will activate progressively stronger measures until it is changed. This will also happen if any part of your headgear is exposed to water, so be very careful in the shower.

Your headgear also features a networked camera and microphone, which may be accessed by anyone who holds one of the remote controls. You’ll feel a warning if either the camera or the microphone is blocked or otherwise disabled; as above, progressively stronger measures will be applied until the signal clears. Don’t worry about darkness; the camera will automatically switch to night vision mode.

Eating—especially swallowing—may be problematic for the first week or two, and learning to sleep sitting up can be quite difficult.

Avoid foods that are crunchy, sticky, or chewy. Any shift in dental anchors will lead to sabotage warnings, which are painful and instantly relayed to your therapy overseers. Foods that requires vigorous flossing afterwards may also trigger sabotage warnings.

Avoid hot, cold, or carbonated liquids. Sudden changes in oral conductivity or temperature may trigger sabotage warnings.

Never smoke or consume caffeine or alcohol. This behavior will trigger immediate, severe correction.

Ask your parents about other forbidden food or drink; meat, chocolate, sugar, and carbonation are often high on this list.

All of your telephone and internet usage will be monitored. Do not text during class, or visit disallowed Web sites at any time.

Facial recognition software will ensure that you’re only talking to people on your approved list. See your parents for this list.

Your location is monitored at all times via global positioning satellite; be careful to remain within your geofenced area. Should GPS fail you will receive a series of warnings; be especially careful about tunnels, parking garages, and elevators until you understand how well your coverage works.

Driving while wearing headgear is prohibited, for the safety of those around you.

Most patients complete their course of treatment in six to eighteen months. For best results, watch as much television as possible, concentrate on breathing shallowly and deliberately, and keep any stray thoughts to yourself.