How I consistently become a bitch in my relationships

Not a year goes by that I don’t lose a friend or two — and considering the company I keep is limited to a handful of individuals, says a lot. You might think it’s due to a natural growing apart or an actual change in physical location, but what I’ve found over the last decade is that it has nothing to do with either of these things; but rather because I had changed in a way that was no longer appealing. I had become a bitch — and nobody likes a bitch, right?

We all have patterns in our relationships, platonic or otherwise. We have our go-to responses and mannerisms that the people in our lives have come to love and depend upon. But what happens when you decide to change your response or carry yourself in a different way? Will the people in your life throw you a block party or kick you to the curb? In theory, if a relationship is built on a strong, nurturing and loving foundation, then a change in behavior or opinion shouldn’t rock the boat so strongly that they would bid you adieu. My experience as of late has led me to a conclusion about myself that you can possibly relate to: The moment I realize I am not loving, supporting and nurturing myself and retrieve the attention and energy I so gladly gave to others; I was no longer friend material.

Something interesting happens in the dissolution of a relationship. Conversations become stale, monotone and lack detail. Calls and messages become scarce and short. It’s as if you’ve become strangers and communication is limited to the niceties about the weather. Passive aggressiveness takes on a whole new meaning and eventually someone gets ghosted out. This is my life and I’m okay with it.

You see, having come to the realization that my fallen relationships were actually a blessing in disguise, opened the realm of possibilities of the who, what and how I want my relationships to be. Looking back on those relationships shone a light on what really transpired during those years: codependency, lack of self-worth and the need for approval. Does any of this ring a bell?

Maturity growth spurts can be wonderous and sometimes painful as in the case of losing a friendship or partnership. The loss that is experienced can feel excruciating in the moment(s), but the emotional growth that is gained is far more satisfying; and for that I would happily be called a bitch.